I figured I should start this feature with something useful, so here is a list of 10 ways to pick up women that will DEFINITELY WORK.
1) Eye brow waggles - No woman can resist a man with strangely dexterous eyebrows.
2) Lasers - Or rather, telling her about that one time you were shot by one. If you HAVEN'T been shot by a laser then you're leading far too dull an existence to hope to impress women.
3) Smell her - Get in real close, and breath deep. She will be positively DRIPPING in a matter of seconds.
4) Tell her you've read 50 Shades of Grey!
5) Walk up to the object of your affection and say "I have lots of money".
6) Tell her you have a horse outside.
7) Walk up to her and gesture to your genitals while staring pointedly.
8) Dress up as a clown! Who doesn't look better when in full clown regalia? No one. That's who.
9) Sensually eat a taco in front of her.
Awwwwwwwww yeah
10) Just be a super Nice Guy! She'll break eventually!
As I am sure you have all seen now, I give the greatest dating advice ever. Send in your questions about relationships/dating and hopefully I'll have enough to run an advice colume on a Sunday in the future.
Till 50 Shades on Tuesday!
I think #2 might actually work, provided the story was told in the proper tongue-in-cheek manner. At least it might actually work on me. For certain values of work...
ReplyDeleteHere's my question about #2 - does having a surprisingly power LASER (pointer) pointed at your eye count? If so, then score!
ReplyDeleteWait, I've killed any points I got with the story by correcting people who forget that LASER is an acronym, haven't I?
@Vardulon - It most certainly was an acronym, but I think it's pretty solid this point as a word on its own. I mean, 'lasing' is a technical term now, and 'light-amplification-by-the-sustained-ing' doesn't exactly parse.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I maintain that #2 is a font of lies, since I was the first person you gave that advice to and it has done nothing for me, despite the legitimate laser burn.
I'd like to note that number six only works if you do, in fact, have a horse outside. Otherwise, you just look like an ass.
ReplyDelete@ rikalous
ReplyDeleteor a horse's ass :-D