Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Date Ideas for bad weather

A dating post? Why not. It's April, it's going to be shitting out, here are some bad weather date ideas.

Build a snow man!

Yes, I know, April, no snow, but I couldn't resist this one. I mean, come on, who doesn't like acting like a kid from time to time? People who are no fun. That's who. So, instead of getting angry at the snow and life and wondering why oh why did your ancestors settle HERE in this God forsaken land, make it your friend and build a snow man! Bonus points if: the carrot gets mis-placed. You do it sneakily in the dead or night on someone's front yard. I mean, who'd be pissed to wake up to see a happy snow man in their yard? Well, if you put the carrot in the wrong place they might be...

Build a blanket fort

I refuse to pretend fun things are fun just because I'm an adult now. If anything, they're more fun now. Line it with anything soft you can get your hands on (pillows, blankets, sleepings bags, that foamy thing on your bed). Drag in snacks, and a laptop (if you have one) with movies from your childhood, and a bottle of wine. There are some other "adult" things to do in there, too.


The internet tells me that competition makes people horny. No, really. The internet would never lie to me, so, bust out the video games (assuming you both play them) or board games. You can also play cards, arm wrestle, staring contest, thumb war, or both try to come up with a more awesome story (Pro tip: Everything is better with dinosaurs and robots. EVERYTHING!)


Sure, you can go for a nice long walk in the park and have sandwiches, or wander through the nature trails and find a nice cozy spot. Or you can do it in your blanket fort.


The Boy is not artistic, as he will quickly tell you if you for some reason feel the need to as him, but that doesn't mean I don't fully intend to inflict this upon him. And soon. The internet suggests making collages (one article went as far as to suggest making an R-rated one, which kind of horrifies me) but that's lame. Dig out the pipe cleaners and make animals (or dongs). Bust out the macaroni and glitter and make cards for upcoming birthdays and anniversaries (or dongs). Grab a balloon, some news paper, and some glue and make paper-mache hats (or dongs). Have tooth picks and mini-marshmallows or gummy candy? Make tiny buildings and make a tiny city. Then dig out an old toy (I refuse to believe you do not have some form of toy left) and have it rampage through your tiny city. Then eat the results (or make dongs). If you have a surplus of boxes you can make a city out of those and go Godzilla on it's ass.

Think back to what you were forced to do in school (or by my Mother. You may think you've never done arts and crafts with my Mom, but trust me, no matter who you are or where you are, you have) and see what you gave kicking around.

Rubber boots are your friends

Drop $20 on the silliest pair of rubber boots you can find (or normal ones if you're boring) grab your umbrella and go stomping through puddles. People passing by will be jealous of you.

Digital Camera are also your friend

No, I am not suggesting sexy time pictures, although, hey, if that's what floats your boat. What I am suggesting is just fart around with the camera. You can take pictures of each other, of the poopy weather, or, if you're childish silly like I am, I have another suggestion for you. Those toys that were rampaging through a tiny marshmallow and tooth pick city and write up a quick and silly adventure for them. Then take pictures to tell that story. You can add text and end up with your own story book, which getting printed nicely would make for a great gift for said significant other. You can be extra cute-sy and make the toys you're sending on the adventure the two of you.

Rubber Ducky, you're the one, you make bath time lots of fun!

Rubber ducky optional. Candles, music, and bubbles? Also optional, but just taking a straight up bath together, kinda boring.

You can be romantic and grab wine and put on some smooth jazz, or you can pound back some shots, blare the music, flick the light switch and pretend you're in a night club. Sure, you'll feel silly but, hey, no cover fee to get your groove on in the living room, and no one is going to judge you for busting out your less savory moves (some people are not fans of the sprinkler, apparently)!

Okay, maybe these are less "date" ideas and more things to do to amuse yourself in the rain, but, hey, good luck finding THESE on a dating website. Take THAT 98% of all dating websites ever!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Creeps in training

If you're of an age to be in an area where booze is served, and potentially not even then, you know what I mean when I refer to "creeps". I admit there is a female equivalent, but it doesn't tie into my story, so I'll be concentrating on the male variety here. There are a few types of creeps. But I am going to concentrate on one I encountered just this past weekend. The persistent but not specific guy.

I was at a house party of an acquaintance who still lives at home. I'm assuming his parents were out of town, and he was left with the charge of looking after his 16 year old brother. I assume as part of getting away with the party he was about to throw he struck a deal with his brother. He could have a friend over and he'd buy them a bottle of something. The legal drinking age for those of you readers not from around here is 19. Junior and his buddy seemed fine at the start of the night. Junior was loud and brash while Buddy looked about 12 (I was later told he had already turned 17) and was oblivious to social cues and waaay too into hockey (and this coming from a Canadian). Still, a harmless pair. That was before the drinking games started.

Now, I went to this party with a friend of mine, and The Boy. This particular friend of mine has the unfortunate luck of being a creep magnet. I've witnessed it first hand a few times. The two of us will be out and these really sketchy guys start chatting her up. I don't know why, but it blows my mind. She's hot, don't get me wrong, if I had a penis, I'd be trying pretty hard to put it in her, too, but it's almost exclusivity the creeps that seem to hit on her.

When she told me she had changed before the party, I eyed her skeptically, to which her answer was, "That's the idea." She had come prepared. I, on the other hand, had not. And we were the only two girls there.

Junior had been giving me the eye while he was sober, or, sober-er, but, hey, it happens. I've long since started giving the eye much heed, guys look at girls, it happens, so didn't start any evasive maneuvers. Besides, I was there with The Boy, and while we're not one of those couples who are attached at the hip and all over each other at parties, it's not like we hid the fact, either. At some point when he was no longer sober Junior ended up sitting next to me and talking to me. At one point in this conversation, he looks at me very seriously and announced "I feel that we have a real connection" this line has always sent me running for the hills, as the user is either insanely clingy, or just trying to get you in bed.

My response was, "You realize I came with, and am leaving with, him, right?" point to The Boy.

He glances at The Boy, "You're having sex with him?"


"Like, tonight?"

"Distinct possibility,"

Pause. He was talking to someone who might be having sex in just a few hours. This was a new experience for him. "A-are you spending the night here?" If this wasn't some drunk kid, that question would have terrified me. As it was, between that and The Boy being a few feet away, wasn't too worried.

"Nope. Going back to my place tonight. As I am old enough to have my own place."

"What's he got that I don't?"

"Well," I said speaking slowly, "for starters, he won't get me arrested"

"Minor details!" he proclaimed.

I realized this kid wasn't going to take the hint, "Anyways, I'm off," I said standing to leave.

"I love you!"

"Good for you" I managed to not burst out giggling until out of ear shot as I told The Boy what had just happened. He tried to hit on me a few times after that, but backed off once the whole "has a boyfriend" thing sunk in.

He then moved onto my friend, and she did not have the threat of a very tall boy to potential beat this kid up (not that The Boy would, as I have discovered, he'll sit back and laugh when drunk guys hit on me at parties. He claims if I ever REALLY needed a save he'd be there, but I remain skeptical) he was much more aggressive with her. Going as far as to grab her ass and yell "I tapped that, literally!" to his friend. I don't think he knows what that phrase is supposed to mean.

When a third woman showed up later in the night, he was all over her, as well. I found the kid hilarious, personally, but pity the women at any parties he's at once he's in his first year of college. Then again, maybe he'll have better luck when the girls he's hitting on are his own age?