STOP ASKING WHEN I'M HAVING KIDS!

So I was in the process of writing this involved and (I hoped) thoughtful post about adulthood and my relationship with it, when I realized there was no way in hell it would be done by tonight. So instead I will rant about people telling The Boy and I that he needs to get a baby in me right away.

I think our reaction can be summed up in the following picture.

Neither of us is particularly fond of children, we don't WANT kids. We've seen the life style, not our thing. I'm also fairly certain there is a federal ban on my uterus.

However for some reason when I tell people "I don't plan on having any" their response is a knowing smile and telling me just wait, I'll change my mind. It is an ongoing exercise in will power to not start screaming.

"BITCH DO YOU KNOW HOW CONDESCENDING YOU SOUND? I am a grown ass adult who is more than capable of making the decision of if I want to spend 9 months making a person now as I will be in 5 years! Plus, why do you want ME to make a child? Have you not realized I am a horrible, crass, mischievous creature who is likely to train their spawn for the sake of evil? Have you met my fiancee, the presumable Father of my imaginary spawn? He and I are bad people! The school system has done NOTHING to deserve our genetic contribution! It would be the physical embodiment of brat! Forget the school system, I don't deserve that!"

Instead I just grit my teeth, smile, and say "Probably not. The boy's head is MASSIVE" and take some solace in their awkward laughter.

So, in short, if you know someone who is saying "They don't want kids" the correct response is, "Oh, cool." if you MUST you can add on something to the effect of "to each their own" not "YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND BECAUSE EVERYONE MUST MAKE A GENETIC CONTRIBUTION TO THE WORLD!" because there are enough people, we don't need to make more.

EDITED TO ADD: As was pointed out in the comments, there are also some people who would LOVE to have kids but for what ever reason can't, or have recently miscarried, or a million other things that could make this such a loaded question. One that would be diverted with "Nah, I don't think so." So, you know, to the person who's about to chime in and tell me it's an innocent, polite question, and maybe I shouldn't take it so seriously... maybe people should consider how personal that question is, and how cruel they can be by pushing the subject.