I keep seeing things like "How to keep a girl" or "How to make a girl happy" and while I am annoyed at Stumble Upon thinking I don't know how to woo a lady- it should know better by now- I also don't think the advice it's giving me would help. The advice assumed that you're not romantically entangled with a person, but with a monolithic gender stereotype, and let me tell you, they make terrible adventure buddies. The lady monolithic gender stereotype is all "OH NO I BROKE A NAIL AND THIS PLACE SMELLS AND WHY ARE WE EVEN IN A SWAMP?" and the dude one is too busy grunting and trying to discover fire and drink beer to be of any use on your quest. This may be a thing specific to me, but if they don't make a good adventure buddy, they are so not getting in my pants.
So, since the internet is sorely lacking a comprehensive, realistic list of How to Relationship, and there are no other articles on the subject anywhere ever, I will take on this burden.
Don't be a dick.
Nope, that's all I've got. Oh, you want me to elaborate? Fine, but I really don't think it's that complicated.
Listen to your partner when they talk, pay attention to their needs/wants/likes and try to remember them.
Respect the shit out of them.
Be open and honest and non-judgmental.
Have fun together.
Have good sex*, and talk about it, lots. Talking about the sex you're having will lead to figuring things out which will lead to having even better sex, and who doesn't want that?
Have their back.
Trust them, and be trustworthy.
Show them you care in what ever way works for the two of you.
Did I mention respect the shit out of them?
See? Not that complicated! That's me dragging it out as much as I can!
Obviously relationships can be complicated little fuckers, and sometimes things just don't work, for no reason beyond they just don't. It can make the whole thing a lot harder and more confusing than it has to be, but most of the relationships I've had ended civilly, and those are the rules I try to play by, and I've been doing surprisingly well for myself, so I must be doing something right.
*Edit: This bit does not apply to romantic asexuals. According to facts about queers a super scientific and accurate site, asexuals tend to hoard shiny objects, so maybe a scavenger hunt?