Thursday, October 11, 2012

50 Shades of Grey Chapter 24 which is all references all the time.

Okay, after this chapter, there will only be two left, you guys. I hope you are as excited to be done this book as I am! I will also warn you all that I am writing this as I'm home sick from work, so snark may be of questionable quality. My apologies. Let's begin, shall we?

...Oh god. Alright, so, this chapter open with a dream sequence. I know it is a dream sequence because Grey is hanging out in a cage, shirtless, with his chest and feet "deliciously naked" and a bowl of strawberries. He's ordering Ana to eat one, sticking his arm through the bars of the cage but she can't! She's tied back and can't get to it! But he just keeps ordering her to eat the fucking berry! And she's struggling and I am considering rounding up all the copies of this book and locking them in a cage where they can do no one else any harm. The dream ends with Ana chomping on the berry (which, shockingly, is not "deliciously sweet") and the cage dissolved and Grey starts waking her up in reality and LAY OFF THE DREAMS EL JAMES! They weren't so bad when you had just quick tableau but I am exhausted of you and your three writing devices. FIND NEW ONES.

So Grey is dragging Ana out of bed at 5:30 to "chase the dawn" what ever that means. Ana is, shockingly, still half asleep and wants to go back to her "nice" dream. ... Being tied back and taunted with fruit is a good dream? Well, she was about to start manhandling his chest before he woke her up so I guess that is what she's into. Grey is all excited, Ana wants to go back to sleep or shower first but TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! THIS IS THE SURPRISE WE HAD HINTED AT US LAST CHAPTER! So he's going to take her out in the plane to watch the sunrise, right? Maybe he had her name etched onto the sun with a laser? Something cool and unique?

So groggily, Ana starts to get up and dressed.

Hmm, another piece of Christian Grey’s underwear – a trophy to add to my collection

Think she has them bronzed?

I frown as a scene from Tess crosses my mind: the strawberry scene. It evokes my dream.

OH MY GOD EL JAMES I HATE YOU SO MUCH. Tess is not, to my understanding, a novel read by the average person, you know, the target audience for 50 Shades of Grey. It is something read by English majors and lovers of classical literature. There is nothing wrong with the odd allusion, but before she at least gave enough context. I like classic literature. I've read Austen, Shakespeare, and Wilde* outside of English classes, but I had never even heard of Tess before reading this book. So I have no fucking clue what "the strawberry scene" is. I have no context here. That? That is shitty self indulgent writing. [/rant]
“Eat,” he says.
Holy Moses… my dream. I gape at him, thinking about his tongue on his palate. Hmm, his expert tongue.

Because throwing up once today wasn't enough for me. This chapter may pose challenges I hadn't anticipated. I can't even cope with booze you guys! Alright, I better get ready to make some sanity rolls. Honestly though, this is irksome. "OH MY HE IS DOING SOMETHING HE DOES ALL OF THE TIME! SOMETHING MY SUBCONSCIOUS HAS APPARENTLY PICKED UP ON AND WORKED INTO MY DREAM BUT NOW IT IS SEXY!"

So despite the fact that this is supposed to be ALL FOR ANA...

“I’ll have some tea. Can I take a croissant for later?”
He eyes me suspiciously, and I smile very sweetly.
“Don’t rain on my parade, Anastasia,” he warns softly.

She points out that she just isn't hungry super early in the morning. I relate to this myself. I mean, if The Boy lures me out of bed with bacon (he is the morning person in our home) I'll eat it, because bacon, but if left to my own devices I won't eat until nearly noon. What actually bugs me about this is that Ana having a common enough eating habit (not eating before 6am) is raining on Grey's parade. How DARE she not go along with this super wonderful fantasy day he has been playing in his head to each detail he has imagined!

So despite the fact that Ana is still asleep on her feet she teased Grey about eye rolling and is all coy before they're out to a convertible that is waiting for them.

“You know, sometimes it’s great being me,” he says with a conspiratorial but smug grin that I simply can’t help emulating

Erika: You know, I almost want to write about how glad I am I don't have to deal with trans-prejudices.**
Trevor: That is a weird thing to want to write about. Would you follow it up with a peice called "Guys, I have to admit, white privilege is pretty great"
Erika: That is my plan, yes.

So much of this book reads to me like EL James is just telling me how awesome it is to be wealthy and above normal concerns like going to work and having to be away from your significant other for a week when they visit their folks or knowing where your next meal is coming from. BUT GREY DOES KNOW ALL THAT! Ah, yes, he knew very well what it was like to have to get up every morning, exhausted from what ever horror life may have thrown at you that day and drag himself into work even though all he wants to do is curl up into a ball under the covers.

So they get in the car and start driving, and once again EL James decides to use OPERA to underscore how classy and cultured Ana and Grey are.

“La Traviata? I’ve headr of that. I can’t think where. What does it mean?”
Christian glances at me and smirks.
“Well, literally, the woman led astray. It’s based on Alexander Dumas’s book, La Dame aux Camelias.”
“Ah. I’ve read it.”
“I thought you might.”

They then swirl some brandy around and chortle until someone says something shocking and Ana's monocle pops right out of her socket.  Just kidding, Ana thinks the song MEANS something and he is trying to tell her something, and comments the story is depressing (The doomed courtesan). So Grey points out his iPod and challenges her to pick something. Hang on, need to roll for sanity.

...Whew. That was close. Okay, I am rationalizing this with "It started off as fanfiction" and not thinking too hard about how popular it is.

I scroll through the touch screen, and find the perfect song. I press play. I wouldn’t have figured him for a Britney fan. The club-mix, techno beat assaults us both, and Christian turns the volume down. Maybe it’s too early for this: Britney’s at her most sultry.
“Toxic, eh?” Christian grins.

Her most sultry involved murdering people. Gotcha. Grey however turns it down, repeatedly, and admits that he didn't put the song on there. NICE TRY GREY! You may not have put it there, but you left it there. Ana is distracted by Grey's incriminating tastes in music because she is obsessing over who put this song on his mp3 player if not him? Naturally, one of his exes.

Let's recap. Grey has woken Ana up before dawn, been cranky at her for wanting to shower, and not eat, first thing, and is now deliberately bringing up that his ex put the song on there. This is supposed to be the romantic surprise he is doing for her. So far he's not so good at this game.

“What happened to her?”
“We finished.”
Oh jeez. It’s too early for this kind of conversation. But he looks relaxed, happy even, and what’s more, talkative.
“She wanted more.”

BECAUSE THAT DOESN'T READ LIKE A VEILED THREAT AT ALL! I mean, sure, he adds on "You're the only girl I've ever wanted more with" but this is just awful and manipulative. "Don't push too hard or I'll leave". Ana however thinks this is a good time to comb his romantic history since he seems talkative enough and isn't getting bitchy about it. I don't even-

He goes on to tell her that there were four women and Elena who were serious relationships (Mrs. Robinson to us!) one met someone else, the other THREE wanted more. I get that this is supposed to underscore "I AM SO INTO YOU" but it just reads as a threat to me.

Elena! Holy Fuck. The evil one has a name and its all-foreign sounding. A vision of a glorious, pale-skinned vamp with raven hair and ruby-red lips comes to mind, and I know that she’s beautiful. I must not dwell. I must not dwell.

So I'm going to assume that EL James figured leaving a random vampire reference in a book where there is no gothic or supernatural references was fair game here? I mean, I guess there's nothing wrong with it, but you just know that she used to be a vampire. Although didn't we already know she was beautiful? She managed to have a young Christian Grey all over that shit, so she had to be something of a looker.

Ana's head is reeling from all of this new information (because finding out your boyfriend has exes that it didn't work out with is a big shock) and we find out that "Chasing the dawn" means "Soaring" (which I think is like going gliding? Small plane with no engine.) which is Grey's second favorite hobby. The first is Ana's snatch.

*Erika rolled for sanity! She failed her roll and lost three points of sanity! Erika trembles for a few minutes, eyes wide, mouth silently trying to form profanities but only coming out with a few angry squeaks*

So they get to the air field where there's some Dude who Grey starts talking to and Taylor. Seriously what the hell is his job description?

“Miss Steele.” He nods a greeting at me, and I frown. “Ana,” he corrects himself. “He’s been hell on wheels the last few days. Glad we’re here,” he says conspiratorially.
Oh, this is news – Why? Surely not because of me!

Nope, he totally stalked you across the country and was a cantankerous bastard until he did! This isn't a sign of unhealthy obsession! Nope! Just affection!

“First we need to strap on your parachute.”
“I’ll do that,” Christian interrupts him and takes the harness off Benson, who smiles amenably at him.

He then clutches Ana and screeches "MY PRECIOUS!" and then Ana gets bullied into the plane.

“This won’t take long – twenty, thirty minutes at most. Thermals aren’t great this time of the morning, but it’s so breathtaking up there at this hour. I hope you’re not nervous.”
“Excited.” I beam.
Where did this ridiculous grin come from? Actually, part of me is terrified. My inner goddess – she’s under a blanket behind the sofa.

EVEN THE VOICES IN YOUR MAIN CHARACTERS HEAD ARE INCONSISTENT! I didn't mention it earlier, but her subconscious was all "See? He cares! He got you Twinning!"  and now her brazen Inner Goddess is for some reason cowering behind the sofa like a scared dog.

So, "Soaring" involves a tiny two person plane, and it's getting towed by a bigger one.

Oh my. This is amazing, above us only sky. The light is extraordinary, diffuse and warm in hue, and I remember José rambling on about ‘magic hour’, a time of day that photographers adore – this is it… just after dawn, and I’m in it, with Christian.

 Abruptly, I’m reminded of José’s show. Hmm. I need to tell Christian. I wonder briefly how he’ll react. But I won’t worry about that, not now – I’m enjoying the ride. My ears pop as we gain height, and the ground slips further and further away. It is so peaceful. I completely get why he likes to be up here. Away from his BlackBerry and all the pressures of his job.
Holy fuck – it’s exciting. The plane banks and turns as the wing dips, and we spiral toward the sun. Icarus. This is it. I am flying close to the sun, but he’s with me, leading me. I gasp at the realization. We spiral and spiral and, the view in this morning light is spectacular.

I figured I should set the scene, since EL James has gone to great lengths to do so. There is great effort put into painting a picture of Grey and Ana up in the air, in their own private happy little bubble, him sharing something with her he is really passionate about. It's high energy and magical and fun! But Ana has two thoughts going on here that I want to talk about.

The first is Ana thinking about Jose. It's framed fairly innocently, but she keeps coming back to his art show and wanting to ask Grey about it. Frankly, if I were her, I would go stag. Jose doesn't like Grey. Grey doesn't like Jose. Unless it is something like your birthday, or an event about you, if your friends don't like your boyfriend, and he doesn't like them, why bring him to rain on their day? It'll be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. So just, go on your own (or with Kate) and have fun. I get her wanting to tell Grey about it, but I hope it's "So I'm doing this thing. You are welcome to join me" as to "Wanna go and do this thing?" because that implies he gets a say. He doesn't.

The other thing I want to pick at is yet another reference. I get that we're supposed to be tying in all of Ana's Icarus references up to this point but this is not what the fable meant. If you MUST beat your readers over the head with an allegory, at least understand what the allegory means.

So more flying, Ana has a brief stint steering the thing (Is that allowed?) and they land and make out a little and Grey drags her off to go eat breakfast.

Oh my… sex in an IHOP

They don't, or at least, not yet? Their waitress is totally disarmed and turns red and blushes at Grey and Ana asks him to order for her. Ana comments on how UNFAIR it is that he is soooo sexy that women around him just melt and swoon all over the damned place. When ever he walks down a street he creates a hazard of swooned ladies left in his wake. It's why he drives in a car with a tinted window. Less collateral that way.

We just need to re-define our parameters, re-draw our battle lines, if you will. We can make this work, I’m sure. I want you submissive in my playroom. I will punish you if you digress from the rules. Other than that… well, I think it’s all up for discussion. Those are my requirements, Miss Steele. What say you to that?”
“I was frightened you’d leave me if I didn’t agree to all of it,” I whisper.
“I’m not going anywhere,

YOU HAVE BEEN DATING WEEKS IT IS WAY TO EARLY TO MAKE THE CALL OF NOT GOING ANYWHERE! That aside, I do like how Grey is being open to having Conversations about their relationship and is stating his wants is simple terms. I find the way he says anything pompous and obnoxious at best, but I can try to appropriate what he's saying here.

“Can I treat you?” I ask Christian.
“Treat me how?”
“Pay for this meal.”
Christian snorts.
“I don’t think so.” he scoffs.
“Please. I want to.”
He frowns at me.
“Are you trying to completely emasculate me?”
“This is probably the only place that I’ll be able to afford to pay.”
“Anastasia, I appreciate the thought. I do. But no"

*Erika rolled for sanity. Erika failed her sanity roll and takes four points of sanity loss!*


I have a lot of dude friends. I've mentioned this before. Sometimes I hang out with them one on one and we do things like go out for dinner or drinks. I am endlessly annoyed when the waiter/waitress just assume one bill and hands it DIRECTLY to the dude I'm out with. There are some dudes I'm less bothered about this than others. The ones who don't stop me when I try to pay next time- fine. This is just a case of a friend picking up the tab. Thanks! I'll get the next round, okay? I unfortunately have some dude friends who feel threatened when I inevitably try to return the favor because it is emasculating and they're afraid the waiter will think they're a dink. No, the waiter is going to think you boning a hot chick who doesn't mind picking up the tab, and that it is awesome. It makes you look like a god damned pimp! You're welcome! I am more lax about this if I am romantically involved with the dude in question because odds are I will be returning the favor in other ways (Food Wizardry, get your mind out of the gutter) but I still make a point to pick up the tab sometimes, too.*** Not letting me pick up the tab makes me feel like a kept woman, and that is icky. JUST LET ME DO THIS THING THAT IS NICE FOR YOU! SMILE AND SAY THANK YOU YOU WANKASAURAUS!

Back to the book. They finish breakfast and shockingly don't fuck. Grey drops Ana off at her Mother's.

Of course he doesn’t ask me for my mother’s address. He knows it already, stalker that he is.

Why are you so okay with this?!?!

Why do I want to spend every single minute with this controlling sex god? Oh yes, I’ve fallen in love with him, and he can fly.

The only part of this I'm giving you is the "and he can fly" Ana. I'm also picturing him flying by flapping his arms real hard. That makes this easier. Ana talks to her Mum a little (Her Mother is pretty blase about her daughter having been in a small plane with no engine) and Ana then goes off to send Grey a thank you e-mail. There are some awful puns and she calls him a scoundrel and a cad (which are admittedly kind of awesome insults to fling around) when he tells her she talks in her sleep, but won't tell her what she says. She then vows to make bread.

So Ana and her Mother are in the supermarket shopping for dinner when Ana gets a phone call with a job offer for the job she wanted. Naturally. Ana's Mother is appropriately delighted and is hopping up and down and Ana then notices that she has a missed call from Grey. He can't make dinner! Something Serious has happened and he is on his way back to Seattle! Oh no! Actually Ana is pretty good about it, and wishes him luck dealing with what ever this thing is.

Oh no. The last ‘situation’ he had was my virginity. Jeez, I hope it’s nothing like that.

Why is this where your mind goes, Ana? Why? So Ana is lounging with her Mother by the pool she mulls over the shift in Grey's attitude and then realizes something. Right at the time of the change in his attitude, he had dinner with Mrs. Robinson.

Whatever it is, or was, I hope the sea of change is coming from within him and not because of her.

Why? That would be a huge boon for you. If she is encouraging him into your arms it means that she definitely doesn't want her a piece of that anymore! Or at least, not in such a way that she is willing to really do anything about it. She is the only person he really talks to about Things, so if she's rooting for you, that is a good thing! Although I suspect it is more Ana being upset that Elena can affect change in Christian when she can not. Funny how people who have been in our lives for ages words carry more than people who we've only known for a few weeks.

So Ana e-mails him asking if he landed and they banter and we still don't know what the "situation" is. Ana also keeps pressing him about what she said and that she shouldn't be held responsible for what she utters in her sleep.

Subject: What you said in your sleep
To: Anastasia Steele
I’d rather hear you say the words that you uttered in your sleep when you’re conscious, that’s why I won’t tell you. Go to sleep. You’ll need to be rested with what I have in mind for you tomorrow.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

Oh no… What have I said? It’s as bad as I think, I’m sure.

So she's sleep talking about confessing her love to him? That's way less fun than what I was thinking which was something about donkey punching. That brings us to the end of this chapter! I'm going back to bed now. As always, comments make me write faster!

*He is my favorite ever.
**The intent would be more to underscore how much it must suck to have to deal with them and how cis-gendered people should make more of an effort to be aware of it because it is something that is so easy to just... not think about, unless you interact with it on a regular basis. I suppose I could say that for almost any minority group, but I had been binging on trans-rights articles at the point this conversation happened.
***Admittedly less with The Boy since we have mostly shared finances. I did take him out for fancy dinner on his birthday, but that was because I was too exhausted to cook. Shhh.


  1. Because throwing up once today wasn't enough for me.

    Is there a stomach bug going around the Internet? Well, you can share my peppermint-scented cotton square. (I don't know about you, but I find the smell of peppermint soothing when I'm feeling nauseous.)

    The evil one has a name and its all-foreign sounding.


    ...I was so busy WTF-ing over "all foreign sounding" that I didn't even notice the lack of apostrophe in "it's" until the third read.

  2. I love Wilde too. <3 Especially his fairy tales. The Nightingale and the Rose is so, so sad. And while English isn't my first language, I'd say that I do know more than just a little about English classics, and I had never heard about Tess before either.

    "The evil one has a name and its all-foreign sounding," said the girl called Anastasia?! Also, okay, maybe this is because English isn't my first language (it's German) but Elena doesn't sound that foreign to me either? A bit unusual perhaps, but nothing to freak out over? Also, this feels weirdly xenophobic, and if there's one thing 50 Shades does NOT need, it's more xenophobia/racism.

    And speaking of freaking out, I'm completely annoyed at how Ana starts every other sentence with Holy crap/cow/shit/fuck/moses (wut) or Jeez. When I chat with a friend, I have the very bad habit of starting my sentences with "omg". It's like a "lol" at the end of the sentence, except I thankfully stopped doing that years ago. I try to delete it whenever I catch myself doing it, but well, I don't always notice. My point is, even if such things may reflect how somebody thinks/talks irl, you shouldn't make it TOO close to real life either. For example, everybody says "uhm" once in a while, and it's okay to use that in dialogue, but very sparingly. If the characters keeps saying "uhm" all the time, it gets annoying fast. Maybe it would work better if Ana had a more distinct voice, but her voice is just all over the place. People criticise the writing style of The Hunger Games, but whether you like it or not, I think we can agree that Katniss does have a very distinct voice. And it reflects how she actually talks.

  3. I've got to third the WTFery of someone named Anastasia goggling over how foreign sounding Elena is. That seems straight up backwards to me (an American) - I have met Elenas in real life. I have not, to my knowledge, met an Anastasia. (And, according to the web, Elena was 160 in top baby names for 2011, while Anastasia was... 371. This does not appear to have been an anomaly. A random selection of years shows that Elena has always been significantly more popular.)

    “Are you trying to completely emasculate me?”

    If a guy I was dating ever responded to my wanting to pay with this, he would become a guy I was no longer dating. (Though I don't date.) Hell, if a friend pulled that shit, we would have very unfriendly words.

    Sadly, if Grey had made it about his money and not his dick, he'd probably have come off less of a, well, dick.

  4. I've only watched the Masterpiece Theater version of "Tess of the d'Urbervilles," but it was enough to make me know that it's a TRAGEDY and not a how-to guide for relationships. We're talking rape, here, and abandonment and more abandonment and manipulation. The two love-interest dudes are various degrees of asshole. Even the "good" love interest makes a dick-smash-worthy move by abandoning her because she wasn't a virgin BECAUSE SHE GOT RAPED. Ana also apparently graduated college with a degree in literature without understanding a damn thing besides sounding pretentious.

    And that whole emasculation thing with the payment makes me want to laugh. He must not be very secure in his masculinity if it only takes a bill at IHOP to threaten it. He can smash his dick in the heavy folds of his wallet.

    I'm kinda surprised at how angry this book makes me.

  5. Erika, you are an awesome human being, and reading you roll for sanity was only slightly less fabulous than your description of Topshelfium, where the unicorns live.

    In my relationship, the person with cash pays (usually me) unless it's paying online, where the person with less phobias about identify theft pays (usually my boyfriend). We balance whenever debit payments come up. When it comes to masculinity, "men who aren't comfortable letting me cover their bill" are only slightly above "men who are uncomfortable with homosexuality" in my list of "men who are trying way too hard."

  6. The strawberry is Mrs. Robinson's old dried up snatch and Christian is gonna punish the jealous outta Ana by forcing her to eat the forbidden fruit! I hope that's where this is going, honestly, cuz that's one boring-as-shit dream. I have dreams about walking through a mall trying to find the exit that are more arousing than some kind of lame-ass "Eat the berry you whore!" fantasy.
    That said, Ana has got to be the absolute WORST SUB IN EXISTENCE. People who're like, "nahhhh, I'm not really into being duct taped/hog-tied while blindfolded and having ice cubes shoved up my ass" are better at this than Ana is. I know she's not officially the sub in this ... "relationship" (?)... But seriously. She sucks at it. EL James is basically fucking us dry with will she won't she will she wont she. It's like hearing "you hang up, no you!" in a movie. You just want to start hurling broken bottles at the screen. I'm tired of this cutesy dance she has going on cuz life is not like this. Grey's character was kind enough to put the cards on the table. Ana is sitting there twirling her hair and sucking her thumb. Being a virgin doesn't make you some kind of blind deaf retard who has no idea how to talk to people! It's... ow... ow... how do you manage to do these posts so frequently without hurting someone? Do you have renter's insurance?
    And who gives a shit about the deep dark meaning behind why Christian gets his rocks off with BDSM? Cuz I guaran-goddamn-tee that as soon as Ana finds out that he was beaten as a kid she's gonna be all "oh, I can fix him, I can chaaaaange him!" And he'll be a better person and lover because of it. Dude, Grey is just a dick. Personality-wise, I mean. And Ana is a whiny, self-centered little shit who -- AGAIN!-- is the worst sub ever to come into existence. when he ties her ass up, I hope he does Mrs. Robinson doggie and forces Ana to watch; and then maybe clean their sheets afterward while they whip her. That is how much I hate her, there I said it.
    I could not wait until I was done reading this post to comment on just how bad of a woman EL James is in general.
    This is not sexy.
    This is not drawing out excitement for the longing of anticipation...
    It's boring high school drama. When me and my hubby were just dating, he wanted to visit an old ex-girlfriend/best friend (I guess in some cases you can still be friendly with your ex-- and why not? My hubby is kickass) during Spring Break in Florida. We were living on opposite ends of the country at the time, and sure I was initially uncomfortable with the idea. But that uncertainty lasted for like, five minutes, tops. I didn't make voodoo dolls, buy a plane ticket to scratch her eyes out, none of that. And mind you, I was not a confident person back then by any means. So it's really hard for me to believe that this jealousy is like a living entity inside Ana that never shuts the fuck up. I mean, if Ana opened her mouth half as often as any of her multiple personalities, grey would be sucked dry.

  7. Also....
    has anyone else noticed that these characters all have extreme breathing abnormalities and facial tics? I read through these posts and try to keep up with the "he inhaled, she breathed, I exhaled, he gasped"... And telling us every time someone frowns, smirks, smiles... it feels like my face is being electrocuted keeping up.
    GO on, I dare you. Just one chapter try to breathe when they breathe.

    1. Thank you so much for all your amazing comments!!! Most of them reflect how I feel about this stupid book as well. I've often became infuriated with all their tics too. Have you noticed they never talk? They also whisper and breath and whatnot. I remember I counted it in an earlier chapter. Its annoying. Also, repeating myself, but there was one chapter where Ana gasped and swallowed AT THE SAME TIME. I will never get over that, and I still try it from time to time, when I'm stubborn enough to think I will not choke. I never win, by the way.

  8. If this book follows Twilight (and we all know it does) the last 2 chapters will not get better. You know the drama is coming. Inknown Villain comes out of nowhere, probably the Ex that put the song on the Ipod, will come out of the dark and try to kill Ana, making Grey save her and love her. I am so not looking forward to that, and I would be happy to be wrong. But let's face it, EL James is not a writer, hell, My fanfiction sucks on most days but I can write better than her!

    I wonder if the "Elana" was another reference? Elana is the main character in "Vampire Diaries" Ooooh how clever EL James. *Rollingeyes*

    I'm onboard the WTF-Train regarding the foreign name comment.

    I hate Ana so much. She is a disgrace to all women, everywhere and now I want to buy those books just to watch them burn. I really do. And I used to think books were too precious to damage, ever.

    Erika, thank again for reading this crap so I do not have to do it myself and break stuff. Hope you feel better, and that the bad stuff gets better too! :)

    1. I was dragged along to the twilight movies, so I have a vague idea of how they go. I've spent this whole time wondering how the holy hell this book has any parallel to twilight while also having a Book Deathmatch in my head between EL James and ... (who wrote twilight?) that Mormon chick. (for the record, they both lost)
      I mean, is Grey gonna get a dog? Is the dog constantly gonna be wanting to hump Ana's leg? Is Ana gonna fall in love with the dog? Who's Grey's rival gonna be? And how much will it cost him to take said rival out to the Nevada desert and bury him?

    2. I had initially had my money on Jose being the Jacob parallel, what with them both being not-white and his Dad and Ana's Dad being friends and all. EL James doesn't seem too interested in his character, so I think it might be Kate's brother (Elliot? Is that his name or was that Grey's brother's name?) or Ana's new boss or- oh who am I kidding? Every man who meets Ana will fill that role.

    3. Well, ladies, this is where I will slightly disagree. I have to say, I enjoyed the Twilight books myself, and really dislike the movies. Could be the actors, who are more annoying than I can stand, but it's also that the story has been twisted around so much, to end up about nothing BUT a stupid triangle. Because it's what sells, right?

      I think this fanfiction, this absolutely fucked piece of writing, follows all the events of Twilight, the characters (more or less) but without the annoying triangle. I still think Jose is some pale version of Jacob, because he is in love with Ana, but for Ana, it's only Grey. There might be some confusion on her part, I assume when/if she ever runs away from him, before he wins her back, she might be tempted by Jose, but I think that's it.

      EL James is really more following on the books than the movies. In the first book (and for the most part of the 2nd), Jacob was just this nice teenager Bella would hang out with, because their dads were friends. They started as friends and then Jacob grew up, hormones and all, and things changed.

      And the fact that everyone Ana meets is in love with her, also follows the book, as all the guys in the new school wanted to take her to the dance and all seemed to like her. Everyone, everywhere. sigh.

      So, yeah. I'd be surprised to see a love triangle here, not between Ana and someone else, at least. I bet it will follow all the other stories and details, as written by a fan of a "Team Edward Forever" crap.

      But then again, that's just my opinion :)

    4. Well, I'm be inclined to take your word since you actually read the books :) So ... would the ending of this book be like when the vampire kid leaves the chick from Twilight and she starts chilling with the werewolf? So maybe in book two we'll find out who the fill-in for Jacob is gonna be?
      Again, since I've only seen the movies, I'm gonna say book one is "omg, Ana I'm a vampire and dangerous and you shouldn't love me."
      "But I do."
      "But you shouldn't."
      "But I do."
      "God, I wanna gnaw on your neck."
      Book two will be... uhhh... well again-- you read the books this one is supposed to be based off of, so I'll put my chips on your bet :)

  9. Oh my god, the picking up the tab thing, I agree so much.
    My ex was the worst for it, though. For a while he was pretty good about it and didn't have a problem when I paid. Then gradually he got embarrassed, to the point where, when he was nearly broke but I wasn't, /he would ask to take my money so he would look like he was paying./
    I was always so annoyed.

  10. I know I'm way way late to this blog! Who's awesome, You're AWESOME !!