Tuesday, December 18, 2012

90ies Boy Bands

I was the right age at the right time to be hit with the full force of the 90ies boy-band hype. For some reason* I never really bought into it. Well, not the current ones, anyways. While most girls were losing their minds of Back Street Boys and their ilk, I was too busy rocking out to The Beatles and The Monkees** and wondering if Davy Jones might maybe think I was cute? It never clicked for me that he was, you know, older than my Dad. Still, it's hard to avoid things like top 40ies music (though God knows I try to this day) and there were a few that I kinda liked. Such as O-Town. Or at least, the two songs by them I knew. I came across mention of them and one of those two songs did not come up, so, out of curiosity, I looked it up. It's... Uh... Just watch it, we'll talk about it after, okay?

What? What is this I don't even-

Okay. So, a band who is aimed at 13 year old girls is blatantly singing about wanting to get their dicks stuck in a woman. I also think they might sort of be promoting hitting women? He wants to go "knock knock" and is miming punching things. Not sure they thought that dance move out. What really floors me about that video, though, isn't the fact that he's singing about "triple X dreams" to a girl, and as far as I can tell, propositioning a woman with tales of his dreams and promises of their junk getting stuck together, or even the fact that their target audience was 13 year old girls and their singing about just wanting to bone. It isn't even the fact that she's chilling out on a speed boat in a LBD (protip: Not a good wardrobe call there). No, what really floors me is the fact that all five of them are sharing this woman.

I don't have any issues with it, but I'm surprised. I wouldn't have thought O Town would be super into polyandry. I actually kind of love that they're all frolicking on the beach and having a grand old time with this woman when they all clearly are seeing her at the same time and everyone is just super okay with this. Do they all see one girl at a time, or do they all see other girls, too? It really raises a lot more questions than I think they ever wanted to.

Also, can I go on record and say if some dude tried ANY of these lines to proposition me and we weren't already fucking, I would be freaked right the fuck out? I want to be in you? I've had so many triple X dreams that have been starring you? I wanna go "knock knock" our bodies to the beat? What the fuck guys? No. Just, no. Take your over done hair and go to the corner and think about talking to women like human beings, not just sexy boob havers who you want to smell.

Also also- I kind of love how out of place Dude-With-A-Hat-And-Guitar is. It's like he showed up to the wrong band or something. He seems like the most fun, though. The others are all just sort of making out and he's all "nah I'm gonna play this guitar I had surgically attached to me, hang out, and dance with you, that cool?"

*To quote myself when explaining to my co-worker why I got bored of Family Guy somewhere around season 3 "I have this pesky thing called taste"

** I never said they were good tastes.