Thursday, December 6, 2012

50 Shades of Grey - Recap

As I prepare to dive into the next book in this "epic saga" I figured it would be in good form to do a quick re-cap of what happened in the last book for anyone coming in new who didn't want to read through the archives over here. It's okay, I understand, it's a lot to read. So for anyone coming in new (or people who have forgotten what happened in the last book since I took a month off) here is the short version of what happens in 50 Shades of Grey- as told from what I can remember off the top of my head.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Okay, fine, I'll try harder.

An older man into BDSM* hooks up with a young, wide-eyed, innocent, and barely legal girl. There's a lot of painful "Dark Knight" imagery and unintentionally hilarious/horrifying sex scenes where two apparently mature adults fail at communication on every single fucking level. Also there's something about an Evil Ex?

The cast-

Christian Grey - The epitome of male perfection, the text will tell you over and over and over and over again. Except that he has a Dark! Tragic! Past! He's into BDSM because he hooked up with an older woman who got him into it! And by "hooked up with an older woman" I mean "was molested as a child" but the character never frames it this way. When the narrator does she's made to seem jealous and irrational. He's a pushy d-bag who throws money around and isn't so good at this whole "treating people like people" thing. He's controlling, over bearing, ignores people's boundaries, and just generally a despicable jackwagon** and stalker.

Anastasia Rose Steele - Yes, that is really her name. No, seriously, that is her name. She's a jealous, irrational, overly emotional "good girl" who's only hobbies include reading and eating paste. Oh, and she's the POV character. Oh! And it seems EVERY SINGLE DUDE she meets wants to date/bone/marry her for some reason. She is also one of the only female brunettes in the cast.

Kate - Ana's mandatory over-protective way more attractive female friend. She's supposed to be savvy and awesome and no-nonsense but I get more "selfish shrieking harpy" from her myself. I mean, she lets some dude who was border line stalking her innocent BFF take her home from the bar when said innocent BFF is passed out drunk because she was into his brother. And he didn't take Ana home like he said he would, he took her to his hotel, and Kate didn't call the cops/blow up Ana's phone with frantic "DID HE KIDNAP YOU?" texts/calls.

Elliot Grey - Christain's brother. He's, uh, there? Looks nothing like his brother (because Chris is adopted) and is meant to be a foil for him by being cheerful, friendly, fun, warm, and affectionate to people. YES CLEARLY THE DUDE HE IS MEANT TO BE A FOIL TO IS THE ONE I SHOULD WANT TO BONE NOT THE ALSO GORGEOUS FUN ONE!

Jose Rodriguez - The mandatory "other love interest" who if I had to sum him up based on the treatment the text gives him in one word - Brown. Seriously, they underscore it at every chance, and never in a way that is productive and not awful. He's basically Jacob from Twilight, but with none of the bits that make him interesting or likeable. No, really, he basically tried to date-rape Ana very early on before just... vanishing from the text until he is needed to give Grey a reason to be mad/jealous.

Ana's Mom - I seriously can't remember the woman's name, they use it... twice? Maybe? She's flighty and flaky and on her third or fourth marriage. When we see her she talks entirely in cliches and it hurts. Not fun hurting, either.

Grey's Mom - Also can't remember her name, but that might be because I can't be bothered to. She's a doctor, and naturally perfect in every way.

Grey's Dad - See above. Not sure if he's a doctor, however.

Mia Grey - Grey's little sister. Meant to be Ana's TRUE BFF I imagine because she is thus far the only other brunette in the entire cast. She's a manic pixie dream girl.

Ray - Ana's Mother's second husband (I think second? So many to keep track of.) who's kind of like a Dad to her. He has no personality to speak of. He, uh, fishes, and hunts and sports? Seriously the man doesn't talk. He's just... there.

Mrs. Robinson - She has a real name, but again, it comes up once. Ellena, or something like that? She's the antagonist (I think? We haven't actually met her yet) of the story. Grey's ex-Dom/his first girlfriend/the older woman who molested him as a child who's now a business associate.

There might be other characters but they're all so mundane and seemingly unimportant that after a month I really can't remember anything about them.

Right, tune in next Thursday for chapter 1 of 50 Shades Deeper Darker and bring your beverage of choice! I'm sure it'll be a doozy!

Something not-50 Shades will be up come Tuesday, for those of you interested in the other things I write. Till next time!

*I use the term with great apprehension, as what he's into is more "being a dick" than "BDSM" in my books.
**I kind of want "Despicable Jack-Wagon" on a t-shirt. 


  1. Oh my, you're reading them all? Brave soul.

  2. Erika! It's Katie! You remember me, I ran away to South Korea? I nominated you for a blog award (whut?). Because your willingness to read 50 Shades and write a commentary so I don't have to is commendable. Also, mustache.

    1. Your user name delights me in ways I don't readily know how to express.

    2. I was going for that effect :)

  3. Hey I'm really happy you're doing 50 Shades stuff, but you probably should proofread your posts a little better (did NaNo ruin you?). It's "epitome," "Christian," and "pixie," not "epidomy," "Christain," and "pixi." Sorry to be nitpicky, I really enjoy your posts!


    1. I'm kind of hoping "epiDOMy" was intentional, myself. :)

    2. NaNo kind of ruined me. I'm already a touch dyslexic and usually pass these through a proof-reader because my brain just does not see these things and he's out of the country right now. I am embarrasingly dependent on spell check. If anyone else wants to volunteer as a backup proof reader I'm not going to say no, just throwing that out there.

  4. You're back, yay!!! I'm glad to read anything you have to say, although I have to admit that I am addicted to hate on 50 shades...

  5. "I kind of want "Despicable Jack-Wagon" on a t-shirt."

    Bad idea. That stuff just doesn't wash out.

  6. I think it is somewhat strange that you call him "older" and her "barely legal". Yes, he is significantly more experienced, but he's 27 and she's 21-22 (not sure) which is definitely legal. They are both in their 20s, and not even on polar opposite ends of their 20s. One of the few not disturbing things about the books is the age difference.

  7. She's 21, which is barely legal drinking age in the US (where this book is set) which is part of what I meant. Also she's 21, and JUST out of university, while he's 28, (29 by the end of book 2 if I'm not mistaken, which is less than a month from the end of book 1) and has been living independently and working for many years. When you're in your early twenties, three years can feel like a staggering difference because you still mature/change a lot from one year to the next (I say this as someone who's 25) let alone 8. If she were in her mid/late twenties, and he was in his mid/late thirties I wouldn't bat an eye, but Ana is 21, not 27, because the author wants to portray her as young and innocent, and Grey as older and experienced. The actual age gap is squintingly acceptable (I am a firm believer in half your age plus 7) but I find it's framing creepy.