Yelling at girls from cars

It was a few years ago that this happened, before I was really versed in feminism*. I was in a car with a bunch of guys. One or two were friends but most were acquaintances. We were moving from one party to another and though the night was young as we drove by a pretty girl they cat-called and hollered. I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Really guys? What do you hope to accomplish? Convince her that you have a micro-penis and are a huge douche-bag? Because that is what she thinks of you"

They roll their eyes at me. "They're biddies. You holler at biddies. It's what you do"

"But it makes them feel uncomfortable."

Naturally I was wrong. I mean, I was clearly overreacting and being over sensitive. No one else gave it any thought, why should I?

To this day I don't understand why men do this. I've asked a few, but I made the mistake of asking intelligent articulate men who have not and do not yell at girls from cars, or lie remarkably well about it.

I told one of these men the story above. He sighed "You can't ask them to explain why they do something when they're not capable of having that conversation. Some people are very base. They're driving around going 'dhuurrhurr hard on'. You can't expect self awareness from people like that."

So, in short, these men are doing it... Because they can? Because they want to be obnoxious and rowdy? We dismiss the behviour as "Boys will be boys" but I feel it's time to end that. This behaviour is not harmless fun. This behaviour is toxic.

I want to talk about how it is a behaviour that feeds into rape culture. It takes women from being people and turns them into objects. It reduces their worth to that of their sexuality and attractiveness. I could go on endlessly about it, but I won't. I will make it simpler.

The earliest and most vivid memory I have of this happening to me was when I was about 17. My parents were out of town and it was very late. I was walking home through a parking lot with another friend when a guy from a parked car full of other guys screamed "Hey Blue Shirt! How about a blow job?"

I was shocked. Who does that? Did he expect me to say "Well alright! Why not?"? It wasn't the first time I had been yelled at by a guy in a car, but it was the first time I had gotten a specific suggestion. I was scared. There were more of them then us and they were in a parked car! Heads went down and the pace was quickened. I spent the rest of the walk home casting uncomfortable glances behind me and jumping at every car that drove past us. Now I'm sure that wasn't the intention of these knuckle daggers. They were just being boys! They were having fun! What did I have to go and be so uptight about? It was a compliment!

I was young, there were more of them then us, we were all girls, they were bigger, they were in a car, and I grew up in a culture that taught me from a young age that every man I walk past alone late at night wants to rape me and I shouldn't go out alone at night because there are rapists in every bush**. How am I supposed to differentiate between "Boys being boys" and "boys who want to rape me"? There are certainly enough movies that play with the trope of "group of rowdy boys chase some girl into an alley way and gang rape her" or "Guy on the street starts to harass a random girl before getting handsy before the hero rushes in". The parallels are there, and I don't think that, at 17, it was a strange place for my mind to go. I don't think at 24 it's strange that when I'm walking home alone at night and a guy in a parking lot screams "NICE TITS!" at me that I feel unsafe, either. 

Guys, I'm sorry to tell you this, but even if you don't make every woman feel unsafe and uncomfortable, I'm not the only one you do. You telling me that I should take it as a compliment, and that other women do, is saying "I am alright making you and other women feel unsafe and uncomfortable because I don't make all women feel unsafe and uncomfortable!" You are also telling me that you think your right to be rowdy and obnoxious overrides my right to feel safe walking down the street.

Maybe I'm just being an uptight Buzz-Kill, but I call bull shit and would like to kindly ask you to keep your drive-by "compliments" to yourself, thank you very much.

Standard comment policy of "Differ without being a dick" applies to this post.

*I could build a pretty good argument that "versed" still isn't the right word, but I'm working on it.

**Pun unintended, hyperbole intended.