Saturday, February 4, 2012

Sunday Random - Ask Erika!

So I felt that I proved I was The Best at relationships with my "How to pick up women" post and encouraged you guys to ask me questions. You were all clearly in such awe at my genius that not a single one of you did. That's fine, I understand. So rather then make up questions, I made the offer to FaceBook, and here are some of the questions I was asked!

Steve asks,

What is it like to be dating a Wookie?

I have a confession to make. The Boy is a wookie. Dating a wookie is a lot like dating a normal boy. They're hairy, smell a little funky, can reach ALL THE THINGS and open any jar you throw at them (even if it's by smashing it on the counter) plus because they're so fuzzy they're super cuddly! I just wish he didn't smell like wet dog when ever he gets caught in the rain...

 Helga Hoshigawa-Florentin asks,
What is the best possible way to say to tell a gal that you'd really appreciate it if she'd trim her lady garden? Women have all sorts of hangups about the coochies (mostly because society and advertising are genuinely trying to convince them that they're gross, and I recognize that). Sometimes you just would like - for whatever reason - a little maintenance down there, but you don't want to make someone feel dirty/gross about it.

Some options are:
Make it worth her while. "I want to give you more sexy oral sexing but I keep getting your hair in my teeth! I don't mind the bush, but it makes oral sexings harder."
Just be happy you're touching a girl's coochie! If you're mean to it, it may bite you.
Ask her to do something specific and kinda crazy. Like fashion it into a Mohawk and dye it green! If it's a specific request, not just "maintenance" you can pass it off as kink!
Wax her in her sleep! When she wakes up and asks you why, just say you were trying to do her a favor by taking one thing off of her busy schedule!
Buy her a gift card for a bikini wax. Everyone loves gift cards!
Offer to let her groom your jungle if you can groom hers! Then you can get creative and fashion her bush into a swan or something
Who wouldn't want that staring at them?

LaKolton McRaeshawn asks,

What happens if when we're in the bedroom I accidentally the whole thing?

You accidentally murder her. It happens. Just hide the body and act surprised when people say no one has heard from her in a while. 

Ezekiel Misanthrope asks,

Can two men be in love if one of those men is also a hamster and the other is a painting of a cheetah?

They can be in love, but coitus can only happen once.

 Magnus von Eberhardt asks,

What does partner B do when partner A feels the need to take on a problem independently and then projects it's personal problems on to Partner A?

First, I think you need to sit down and think about what sort of a relationship you've gotten yourself into with a person who simply calls themselves "A" and expects you to be "B". Why do they get to be A? If A is insistent about staying A, then perhaps you could become 1?

Partner 1 needs to sits down partner A, and tell them that this shit is Not Cool. A either needs to let 1 in on trying to help with this problem, or stop taking it out on 1. If it is a problem that 1 can't obviously help with (EX: A is a rocket surgeon, while 1 is a taxidermist, and it's a work problem) then A should try to think of other ways 1 could help. Maybe task 1 with finding something fun for them both to do at the end of the day? Like racing turtles! Or small children! You don't need your own kids to race, just borrow some from the local park! It's as easy as buying candy!

Christopher R asks,
How do you know when you're in a necrophiliac relationship? 

This is a question I see a lot of, especially with people afraid the zombie apocalypse will start any day now and that they might accidentally start dating a zombie. It's important to know the signs! So, let's go over the things to keep an eye open for!

Do they move, speak, or have a pulse? If you answered "no" to two or more of these questions, odds are it's necrophilia.
Are they missing appendages? Are they ice cold? Are they covered in insects? If the answer to two or more of these is "yes" then odds are it's necrophilia or will be soon!

I am sure your minds have all been blown. I hope you all send in questions (either through comments or email me at so I can run this feature again in the future, as I had a lot of fun with it. Comments/Questions/General encouragements are always loved! See that box below? Right there. You type words and then hit a button and then I see the words! Till 50 Shades on Tuesday dear readers!