Ender's Game, chapter 2, in which the villainous Peter Wiggin fails to be as horrifying as our hero

(Content: violence, death threats, abusive family environment.)

Ender's Game: p. 9--15

Chapter Two ("Peter") begins again with the Unlabelled Unset Dialogue of the Powers That Be, who have observed the brutality that Ender just unleashed and are trying to decide what it means.  They were, apparently, still observing this happening, but the analyst protests that he can't be sure what to read into it since he doesn't have the spinal monitor dealy.  Also, worldbuilding name-drop:

"He was thorough.  He didn't just beat him, he beat him deep.  Like Mazer Rackham at the--"

"Spare me.  So in the judgment of the committee, he passes."

"Mostly.  Let's see what he does with his brother, now that the monitor's off."

It's a bit of a clunker, that reference to Mazer Rackham, but it could probably be much worse.  We'll find out shortly that Mazer saved humanity in the last war with the aliens, and is essentially the inspiration for this whole 'perfect general' system they run.  More terrifyingly, they don't think they know why Ender killed Stilson, but they're pretty sure they're cool with it, and now want to see what happens when he goes home to his volatile and violent brother.  But first, this boggling passage:

"I went back through the tapes.  I can't help it.  I like the kid.  I think we're going to screw him up."

"Of course we are.  It's our job.  We're the wicked witch.  We promise gingerbread, but we eat the little bastards alive."

So: they can look at one child murder another and their response is not merely 'Huh', but in fact 'Gosh, he's so innocent and we're really going to ruin him'.  I don't--

How does--

What in--

Moving along.

Ender is at home; Valentine is expressing sympathy that he's apparently been kicked out of the military screening program, and Peter arrives munching PB&J and looking like every grown-up's idea of a "beautiful ten-year-old boy".  Ender doesn't notice his brother's perfectly-shaped features, we're told, because he's only ever interested in identifying anger or boredom in Peter, "the dangerous moods that almost always led to pain".  So, for whatever reason, apparently Ender has been getting tormented for quite some time now by his brother, and there has been no intervention from anyone.  I'm not sure how that meshes with the earlier implication that the bullies at school wouldn't touch Ender for fear of soldiers appearing out of nowhere, but this is what we're told.  I guess the totalitarian military government does rank familial privacy over the salvation of the entire species, which is in turn ranked over the lives of random children.  Anyone is welcome to try to figure out how this is consistent.

Peter is angry that Ender kept his monitor until age six (he lost his at four; Valentine at three).  He notes that he's not being monitored anymore for pain or threats; I'm no longer sure what this means, but presumably he feels free to do worse than he's done before.  Peter cheerfully suggests they play 'buggers and astronauts' and digs out the toy masks and rayguns, telling Ender he'll have to be the bugger.  Valentine nonchalantly suggests she's going to try to contact their parents, and Peter counters that neither of them are near home or going to answer the phone, which--okay, apparently parents in this world really just don't take any kind of precautions, since even if no one in the house was a nascent killer, the implication is that if anything else goes wrong, all three kids are without any assistance.

Ender briefly recollects that their mother wasn't happy about the toys, but their father had successfully argued that the war wouldn't go away if you didn't play war games and that playing these games might give them a better chance of surviving invasion.  There are a variety of reasons this is stupid in the specific (yes, let's simplify the realities of logistics and morality in engaging in what might be a war of extinction with an entire civilisation down to 'shoot the bad things'; clearly this can't harm anything and will teach valuable life skills) and so I think it's safe at this point to conclude that the parents of these three genius children are themselves as sharp as a bag of hammers.*

Ender puts on the alien mask and immediately starts trying to get into character.  He wonders if alien children on their world put on human masks to play games, and wonders what they call humans.  Humanity calls them buggers because they look like bugs, with their exoskeletons; he decides that they call us soft and oily folk 'Slimies'.  Points given for consistency: Ender's signature move is trying to understand how the aliens think, right from the start.  Points withdrawn: he didn't do a damn thing trying to understand how Stilson was thinking prior to their fight.  Ender doesn't appear to try to understand what's going on inside any human's brain (I'm thinking ahead here of many, many failures in this area) but he's obsessed with the aliens' minds.  I hadn't noticed that until just this moment, and I'm not sure if it's a consequence of the other themes or something entirely new.  Neat.  (And more than a little disturbing.)

He manages to get into character and call Peter a 'Slimy' once before Peter decks him and declares that, having caught an alien alive, they must now vivisect him for science.  He quickly drops the facade of the game and whispers to Ender--trapped on his back with Peter kneeling on his chest--about how he could just  keep pressing down and let Ender die and claim it was an accident.  Valentine says she'd tell; Peter threatens her too; Valentine declares that she has secret computer programs set up so that in the event of her death they will automatically send letters to various people stating that her accidental death was in fact Peter's doing.  She's implied to be making this up, but that's a pretty good improvisation on the spot.

So, obviously this family is fucked in all of their heads.  More to the point, this is the best chance we have to explain Ender's bizarre mindset: he defaults to fighting for his life because his brother makes death threats, and he assumes no one will come help because, well, no one ever comes to help.  This isn't the perfect explanation that it might be--if the monitor really was making Peter hold back, then he presumably hasn't been making death threats until now--but maybe it explains why Ender is convinced he's alone: no one has ever stopped Peter.  Ender knows that the military has been listening in on his life, and apparently Peter has been allowed to continue with minor torments at a whim.  Maybe this isn't some kind of inborn trait; maybe this is what the monitor has taught him.  Top notch job, faceless military tyrants!  Are you familiar with the Heisenberg Principle?

Peter abruptly lets Ender go, moves like he's going to attack Valentine, and then falls over laughing at his own joke.  Well:

"Not a joke, a game.  I can make you guys believe anything.  I can make you dance around like puppets."  In a phony monster voice he said, "I'm going to kill you and chop you into little pieces and put you into the garbage hole."  He laughed again.  "Biggest suckers in the solar system."

Peter's argument is that he's not doing it for the violence, but for the fun of exerting power.  Ender and Valentine insist that they (and only they) know that Peter is "a murderer at heart"; I'm not sure if that's agreeing or not.  This comes up again later in the Shadow books, the idea of being "a murderer at heart", and that might be an interesting philosophical discussion except ENDER LITERALLY MURDERED A KID LAST CHAPTER.  I don't even know how to begin parsing the cognitive dissonance and the hypocrisy here, for Ender to be sneering at his (total jackass, no question) older brother for having an impure soul while Ender himself still has a dead boy's blood on his shoes.  (He does; he tries and fails to intimidate Peter with it.)

Their parents arrive and commiserate with Ender for having been kicked out of the program and gush about how wonderful it is that they now get to keep all three of their kids, causing Ender more Third Angst.  That night, Ender lies in bed and Peter stirs, wanders to Ender's bedside, and Ender fears that Peter's about to kill him, but instead he whispers:

"Ender, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know how it feels, I'm sorry, I'm your brother, I love you."

And then goes back to bed, and Ender cries himself to sleep.  When I first read this, I was totally on board with Ender's side; I was convinced that Peter was a terrible monster and that this last outpouring was some kind of playacting--not precisely a lie, but a futile attempt to pretend to be a better person.  Looking back, Peter is still awful, but he seems a lot more sympathetic, given that he too has grown up in this deeply awful society and family environment, trying to manipulate everyone to either adore or fear him.  It's bad enough feeling like the new baby will replace you in your parents' eyes; it's got to be worse when the new babies might grow up to be the salvation of the entire world.

Nothing excuses Peter's actions, but like Ender, he mostly seems like he desperately needs some kind of therapy.  (And indeed that's sort of what his plotline will be about in this book.  Ender, not so much.)  It's very hard to see him as the biggest monster in the room, even when he's tormenting and torturing his siblings, when Our Hero murdered someone that afternoon.  The implication it seems like we're left with is not that Peter is too violent, but that Peter wants to be liked, while Ender just wants to be left alone.  Peter has social skills (in the way that sociopaths do) while Ender can't tell the difference between someone pushing him around for fun and someone trying to kill him.  Of the two of them, Peter actually seems much more normal to me, a conflicted mess, and that apparently makes him useless as a heroic general.

Our agreeing with this depends on us caring more about Peter's cruelties (mostly off-page, even later in the book) than Ender's  actual atrocities.  And I'm more than a little freaked out that Card thinks he can sell this. Protagonist-centred morality is one thing in a narrative and another when it apparently permeates the entire world and affects interplanetary military strategy.

Tune in next time to see one of the Faceless Nameless Voices show up in person, Ender's mother be the only reasonable person in the room and so automatically shushed by the menfolk, and basically everything continue to be awful forever.  I promise to find some way of making it more entertaining by then, because the stark horror is kicking is way earlier than I expected.

In the meantime, have a corgi in a scarf.

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*Card eventually noticed the same apparent contradiction, and the Shadow sequels will retcon/explain that their parents are in fact similar calibres of geniuses but played daft for their kids, both to make them feel better (I have freedom because I can outsmart my guardians) and to make the kids underestimate them, thus retaining some advantage.  This family is messed.

Book Club Reading!

So, the votes are in! And because my Dad was in town yesterday like a good little blogger I totally forgot to announce this yesterday. My bad! Still, now, IT IS TIME!

We'll be reading Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle. Since Will didn't get his Ender's Game post up on Sunday, it will run next week, so the first book club post will be on the 21st! So you've got two weeks to get your hands on a copy and read chapter one!

Schroedinger's Closet

The blogqueen and I have an ongoing discussion about closetedness--we're both bisexual (Erika has apparently made it a life goal to start a flibbertigibbet), which is an interesting mix of privileges and disadvantages.  It's super-easy for us to pass as straight if we want to (I've only dated women so far; she's happily engaged to a dude) but bisexual erasure is a thing and it can come from any side and in many forms.  Women get told they're all basically bisexual and that they should be exhibitionist about it to attract men, men get told that if they ever fail to find other men sexually disgusting for even a moment then they are gaaaaaay.  We all get told that we're in denial about our homosexuality, or that we just want to seem chic and liberated from social norms.  And a lot of the time, people just forget we exist: I've been looking into some online dating stuff recently and found that it's surprisingly uncommon to be able to identify as interested in both men and women.  (eHarmony only supports male/female couples and has a separate-but-obviously-still-equal-I've-never-heard-of-this-Jim-Crow-fella site called Compatible Partners that's only for same-sex couples.  But that's not surprising since this guy Warren who started the place sounds kinda homophobic.)

I clicked to the realisation that I'm bi about a year ago, in a sequence of events that was weirdly understated (nothing happened that would make for a particularly good anecdote) given how abrupt and conclusive it was inside my head.  This post isn't really about that, or the internal debating and rationalisations for years prior to that which had allowed me to continue assuming I was straight.  This post is about what's happened since then.

Erika knows I'm bi (she was the first person I told, but wouldn't it be kind of hilarious if this post was the first place she heard about it?), and for months she was the only one.  The next step was referring to myself as bi on internet forums where I used a screenname and no one there ever had or will meet me personally.  Next was a post on my old personal blog, just a few months ago, which most of my meatspace friends and relations know nothing about.  A couple of days ago I told another friend who lives in another country (our in-person contact has mostly been through globetrotting adventures, because obviously that is the best kind of contact).  And now there's this.

People who still don't know I'm queer: my parents, my brother, my closest friends from school and university, my co-workers, and basically anyone I hang out with on a regular basis.  And this is where I start to get tangled up, because I can't decide whether I want them to know or not.  I can't decide whether I think it's important or necessary or even just more convenient.

No one ever has to come out as straight.  No one ever says "OMG, you never told me you were a hetero!"  That seems fine to me; by the same token, I don't think there should be some kind of obligation on people who aren't straight to just inform others of that particular facet of their identity.  And for a variety of reasons I've hardly ever told my parents about anything going on between me and girls, unless it took the form of "I can't join your plans because I have a date tonight"*, so I don't feel like I should need to just announce that the scope of potential partners now includes guys.

On the other hand--I live in Canada, I easily support myself, and I work and hang out with good people, so in practice I have very little to fear in regards to homophobia.  Certainly a lot less than some people do.  And normalisation is good: the more straight (or straight-identified) people are familiar with queer-identified people, the less they see us as alien, outsider, unreal, invalid.  We're practice--have a queer friend and improve your ability to think compassionately, to support equal rights, to reject harmful stereotypes.**  (And, possibly for some of those straight-identified people, help them figure out their options and their actual identity a bit better.)  There is real value in being 'out', not just for me, but for other people, and if I'm privileged enough that it's not going to cost me anything, I should be trying to help people, right?

(Plus, as friends have observed while helping me cope with Pointless Crushes On Straight Boys, being out makes it easier for those dudes who might be actually be interested to determine whether they should make a  pass at me or not.  This is a reasonable point, although eyebrow waggling can reduce its credibility.)

I filled out a hilariously bad survey for some politically conservative US organization the other day, and when it got to orientation, I was given the options of Straight, Gay, Bisexual, Do Not Wish To Disclose, or In The Closet.  It was great.  'In The Closet' is an orientation now?  (Observation from Erika: "More of a dedication to fashion, really".)  Truly these people are on the cutting edge of social analysis.

Am I closeted?  I don't exactly hide that I'm bi, but I don't volunteer it any more than other people are all "Why yes, I'm very hetero today, thank you for asking".  If I am closeted, when did it happen?  Was it when my brain was all you should go up to that guy and put your mouth on his mouth and I was all "Well, that pretty much settles that question" but I kept it to myself, or was it years earlier, when I first started finding ways to ignore or explain away the less-blatant hints I was giving myself that I liked guys as well as gals?  If I start letting people know more often that I'm bi, at what point will I stop being closeted?  Who needs to know?  Parents are generally a big deal, but if I tell them and no one else, that's not exactly a major life change.  No one I work with knows, but to my knowledge it wouldn't affect anything anyway.  (It was a couple of years before I found out one of our stats guys is gay, and then only because of an offhand reference to going somewhere with his boyfriend.  He is pretty campy, but I try not to assume--for that matter, I still can't be 100% sure he's gay and not bi.  Bisexual erasure: just for the record, we bi folk can make the same foolish assumptions.)

Being in the closet is a weird idea at its root.  It makes sense on the surface, in that it involves people hiding 'themselves', but it also starts from the assumption that other people are entitled, or at least can expect, to know what the thing being hidden is.  (There's a wonderful RiffTrax of a short film on making friends in high school, where the shy (white) hero pauses at the door before a party and they narrate for him "What if they find out I'm black?!")  When I saw a co-worker on the bus reading A Song of Ice and Fire, she surreptitiously joked to me that she is 'a closet nerd'.  Closeting seems to me like if it's not about protecting yourself from harm (and I don't think I'm in danger of harm), it's about hiding something shameful, and I am by no means ashamed to be bisexual.  Some ladies are hot.  Some dudes are hot.  It's not complicated.  I just also don't feel like random strangers have a right to expect that I inform them "By the way, I'm totally going to queer this place up".

So I think I'm in Schroedinger's Closet, in a state of being simultaneously out and closeted until I observe whether there's a particular reason for me to go out of my way to tell the person I'm talking to that I am bisexual and the waveform collapses.  Also there's a zombie cat in here?  It's pretty cool.  But I wonder sometimes if it's enough.

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*I don't date much and I've never paid a lot of attention to following gender roles, so I've always kind of wondered if my parents suspect I'm gay.  Part of me wants things to work out so that one day I can go up to them and say "Mom... Dad... I think it's time I told you the truth.  I'm bisexual.  THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME OUR LOVE ISN'T REAL."  I aspire to be an entertaining son; my track record is pretty solid.

**My favourite stereotype right now is of course that bisexuals are promiscuous sex-mad fiends, because I am feeling quite comfortable here in the exact centre of the Kinsey Scale, and I am so far from promiscuous that the light reflecting off promiscuous won't reach me before the sun expands and consumes the world.

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[Edit to add]: Also!  There are only two days left to vote if you have any interest in or opinion on the Book Club's first book.  Candidates were listed in this post here.

50 Shades of objective beauty

This week has been filled with migraines and that is shockingly effective in keeping me from making much progress on a post. Luckily for you, I am not totally empty handed.

Amazing, isn't it? I mean, I'm sure the dude was adorable in his youth, but that isn't exactly what I would call a Greek God and objectively sexy. Admittedly, I've been struggling to summon any picture of Grey in my mind simply because for all the fawning description, there is no character there. He has sculpted lips/jaw/cheeks and eyes that can shoot lasers of contempt and rage and he's kinda fuzzy? He can also look super preppy and kind of bad-ass? But those (to me) are largely carried by the personality so how does this- augh.

Any mental image I can summon of him are kind of hazy poster-boy type things. Seeing this picture made me realize why I've had such a hard time picturing him.

See the dude in the first half of the picture? My brain recognizes he is conventionally attractive, but thinks he looks kind of weird and alien. I am repeatedly being told I should find Grey super-sexy but I'm a little strange, I can't find someone super sexy on the outside unless I think they're funny. No, that isn't a joke or an exaggeration. That isn't to say I'm into anyone who I think is funny (I would be unable to be monogamous and have friends if I was) simply that humor and personality play a big role in my attraction to people.* I struggle to summon a picture of Grey's face, I do not struggle to picture his personality. Which is where the divide comes from (for me). I struggle to find Grey's personality anything but awful, which means I'm just not going to be into it.

Which brings me onto Grey being Objectively Beautiful.  I just don't think there can be such a thing as objective beauty, and what EL James is trying so forcefully and desperately to portray is conventional beauty, which is a very different thing, and still changes drastically from one period of time and place to another.

Also don't forget to cast your vote for what you'd like to see the Something Short and Snappy book club to read! 


*This has served me so well.

ANNOUNCING THE SOMETHING SHORT AND SNAPPY BOOK CLUB!

Book club? Like the type my Mom is in where they don't actually talk about the book just hang out and drink? No! Book club like the type where we actually talk about the book! Although drinking isn't frowned upon.

How it will work:

Every other Sunday (rotating with Will's Ender's Game posts) I'll do a small "thoughts on this chapter" post, maybe pose a few questions, and discussion about the chapter in the comments. I know, I'm asking a lot here. I'm asking you guys to read two chapters of a book a month, AND to then talk about it! But I think you guys are going to have just as much fun with it as I will!

Now, the big question, what book are we reading? Well, that's up to you! Sort of! I'll give you a list, and you can cast your vote in the comments, or on Twitter (@SnappyErika)! I'll announce the book next Sunday both on Twitter and here (a separate post from Will's next one, don't worry)! The first chapter will go up on April 14th.

So, the contenders!

How To Be Good By Nick Hornsby

This is one of the two books on the list I have already read, and it's a favorite of mine. Some interesting questions about morality, society. I adore Hornsby, but his treatment of female characters always makes me wonder.

From Amazon:

Katie Carr is a good person. She recycles. She's against racism. She's a good doctor, a good mom, a good wife...well, maybe not that last one, considering she's having an affair and has just requested a divorce via cell phone. But who could blame her? For years her husband's been selfish, sarcastic, and underemployed, writing the "Angriest Man in Holloway" column for their local paper.

But now David's changed. He's become a good person, too—really good. He's found a spiritual leader. He has become kind, soft-spoken, and earnest. He's even got a homeless kid set up in the spare room. Katie isn't sure if this is a deeply-felt conversion, a brain tumor—or David's most brilliantly vicious manipulation yet. Because she's finding it more and more difficult to live with David—and with herself.

 Yes Man by Danny Wallace

The other book on the list I have already led. I re-read books very rarely, but this is one I went out of my way to buy after I read it. Yes, there was a movie, but it's based on the concept of the book, not the book it's self. It's the type of book that happens when you decide to say fuck it and see where life takes you. Also it's based on real events.

From Amazon:

Recently single, Danny Wallace was falling into loneliness and isolation. When a stranger on a bus advises, "Say yes more," Wallace vows to say yes to every offer, invitation, challenge, and chance.
In Yes Man, Wallace recounts his months-long commitment to complete openness with profound insight and humbling honesty. Saying yes takes Wallace into a new plane of existence: a place where money comes as easily as it goes, nodding a lot can lead to a long weekend overseas with new friends, and romance isn't as complicated as it seems.


Yes Man is inspiring proof that a little willingness can take anyone to the most wonderful of places.

Cat's Cradle  By Kurt Vonnegut

I have not read this book before, but I am a big fan of Vonnegut, and any work of his promises some fun things to pick apart and look at the layers of.

From Amazon:

Cat’s Cradle is Kurt Vonnegut’s satirical commentary on modern man and his madness. An apocalyptic tale of this planet’s ultimate fate, it features a midget as the protagonist, a complete, original theology created by a calypso singer, and a vision of the future that is at once blackly fatalistic and hilariously funny. A book that left an indelible mark on an entire generation of readers, Cat’s Cradle is one of the twentieth century’s most important works—and Vonnegut at his very best.

The Girl Who Would Be King  by Kelly Thompson

The Boy bought me this book for my birthday, and it came in last week. Having never heard of it, or it's author, I was thoroughly confused why he went to the trouble to order it online. He explained that he read a review for it that said it handled feminist issues and tropes interestingly/well and that it sounded right up my ally. The back of the book makes me suspect he's right.

From Amazon:

A novel about two teenage girls with superpowers and radically different agendas, destined for a collision that will rock the world: Separated by thousands of miles, two young women are about to realize their extraordinary powers which will bind their lives together in ways they can't begin to understand. Protecting others. Maintaining order. Being good. These are all important things for Bonnie Braverman, even if she doesn't understand why. Confined to a group home since she survived the car accident that killed both her parents, Bonnie has lived her life until now in self-imposed isolation and silence; but when an opportunity presents itself to help another girl in need, Bonnie has to decide whether to actually use the power she has long suspected she has. Power that frightens her.

Across the country, Lola LeFever is inheriting her own power by sending her mother over a cliff...literally. For Lola the only thing that matters is power; getting it, taking it, and eliminating anyone who would get in the way of her pursuit of it. With her mother dead and nothing to hold her back from the world any longer, Lola sets off to test her own powers on anyone unfortunate enough to cross her. And Lola's not afraid of anything. One girl driven to rescue, save, and heal; the other driven to punish, destroy, and kill. And now they're about to meet.



So, cast your votes and tune in next Sunday to see what we're reading!

50 Shades Darker chapter 11 in which Erika contemplated curling up into a little ball.

Last chapter in 50 Shades Darker! Ana and Grey went sailing and had dinner! Ana finally got a tour of the full house! Grey moved all of Ana's shit into his room without forewarning! Then they played pool (full of "stroking" of cues) and Ana made a bet with Grey that if she won, he took her back to the play-room and if he won he got to name his terms. The chapter ended with Grey saying he was going to spank her on the pool table before taking a shot that would WIN OR LOSE THE GAME!

So, Grey wins the bet. Shocking, I know.

He stands, and his mouth twists in a triumphant I-so-own-you-Steele smile.

Because that's different than normal how..?


He doesn’t look like a CEO—he looks like a bad boy from the wrong side of town.

I haven't known many CEOs but I admit that most of the business dudes I DO know generally never look like they might rob me. This is not the first time Ana has commented on Grey looking like he's from "the wrong side of town" and I'm not sure if this is supposed to add to his "universal appeal" (he can rock the straight cut, preppy look or edgy bad-boy) or if it's more of the "good girls like bad boys" because his behavior is really more problematic than anything else and EL James wanted to, at least occasionally, give him an exterior to match?

“Well, let’s count your misdemeanors, Miss Steele.” He counts on his long fingers. “One, making me jealous of my own staff. Two, arguing with me about working. And three, waving your delectable derriere at me for the last twenty minutes.”

It's good that they can have conversations about their relationship hangup's without it being a big deal.


When he turns and gazes at me, his eyes are burning. I stand paralyzed like a complete zombie, my heart pounding, my blood pumping, not actually able to move a muscle. In my mind, all I can think is—this is for him—the thought repeating like a mantra over and over again.

Zombies can move. That's part of why they are a very serious security threat. I am offended that EL James would belittle it like this. Wait- Is Grey actually a necromancer?! Ana was all "I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU!" last chapter, Grey's response was to get annoyed at her for pushing herself to do things she isn't comfortable with. Her response? Push herself to do things she isn't comfortable with. :/

On his way over to me, he pauses at the small desk built into one of the bookshelves. Reaching over, he picks up a twelve-inch Perspex ruler. He holds each end and flexes it, his eyes not leaving mine.
Holy shit—his weapon of choice. My mouth goes dry.


Weapon of choice means preferred weapon, not the one you just happen to pick up. Given that none of the things in his play room were rulers, I would venture to guess that it is, in fact, not his weapon of choice.

Suddenly, I’m hot and bothered and damp in all the right places.

Which is way better than when Grey rolled a 1* on "seduction" and Ana shat herself.


Then he takes her shoes off like she's six and starts to undress her and Ana marvels at how much she loves him.

I step out of them, glad that I’m wearing these pretty, pretty panties

Every time I see "pretty pretty" I think of Pretty Pretty Princess

I'd comment on the gendered BS of this board game but I used to play with my brother and his friends.

“I want to be quite rough with you, Ana. You’ll have to tell me to stop if it’s too much,” he breathes.
Oh my. He kisses me . . . there. I moan softly.
“Safe word?” I murmur.
“No, no safe word, just tell me to stop, and I’ll stop. Understand?”
....
“We’re lovers, Anastasia. Lovers don’t need safe words.” He frowns. “Do they?”

I think this is an actual question, he isn't quite sure. Which makes me laugh. It's a sad sort of laughter, the type when your options are "laugh or cry" but laugh none the less. Considering this book is supposed to be so sex-positive I am saddened to see EL James painting BDSM as something loving couples can't do. It's only for the broken and dysfunctional, and in a book that's pretending to celebrate sexy and the kinky that's... hypocritical and makes me sad.

He leans over and picks up the cue.
Oh fuck, what’s he going to do with that? A frisson of fear runs through me.

No, I got my hopes up we might actually see something creative and kinky, but instead we just see him posing her as if he was doing a photo shoot for a calendar. YES UNDO YOUR SHIRT AND TRY AND SINK THAT BALL!

I flush, and my inner goddess grabs a rose between her teeth and starts to tango. Taking a deep breath, I try to ignore him and line up my shot.

Seriously, where the hell does Ana's inner goddess get all these chaise lounges, flowers, and fitness equipment from?


his fingers fisting in my hair

Does fisting mean something else in the UK? Because this is a terrifying mental image if it doesn't.


He hits me again—and again . . . and once more . . . harder this time—and I wince.
“Stop.” The word is out of my mouth before I’m even aware that I’ve said it. Christian drops the ruler immediately and releases me.
“Enough?” he whispers.
“Yes.”
“I want to fuck you now,” he says, his voice strained.
“Yes,”

I want to underline this because much to my shock it shows Grey seeking consent. Ana says stop, and there is no hesitation. He doesn't just stop, he drops the ruler and lets go. He then asks if he can proceed with other activities (well, tells her he wants to, but it's an implied question) and I'm kind of shocked to see that in this book.

I hear the telltale rip of foil

What the hell brand of condoms are they using? Trojan Extra Noisy?


I hear his groan of pure pleasure, and it stirs my soul.

Yes, apparently the soul resides in the snatch. Debate and search over! Whew! Also I think soul-searching is about to get a lot more fun.

“Yes . . . I’m fine. Lose yourself . . . take me with you,” I murmur breathlessly.

LET THE SPIRIT QUEST BEGIN!


Oh fucking my . . .

I don't know why it has taken me so long to make this joke...

soul-grabbing orgasm that leaves me spent and exhausted.

Okay, so now we know the breed of dark wizard Grey is. Apparently he's a necromancer. Can't spell necromancer without romance!**

“You never fail, Ana. You are beautiful, bright, challenging, fun, sexy, and I thank divine providence every day that it was you that came to interview me and not Katherine Kavanagh.”

I actually think Kate and Grey might make an interesting read. There'd certainly be more ball punching. Also I'm getting tired of being told how awesome and special Ana is. I get it, okay? She's apparently George Takei after all.

“Tomorrow—when I go to work—can Sawyer just deliver me to the front door of the office then pick me up at the end of the day? Please, Christian. Please,” I plead.
His hands still as his brow creases. “I thought we agreed,” he grumbles.
“Please,” I beg.
“What about lunchtime?”
“I’ll make myself something to take from here so I don’t have to go out, please.”
He kisses my instep. “I find it very difficult to say no to you,” he mutters as if he senses this is a failing on his part. “You won’t go out?”
“No.”
“Okay.”

This is basically the entire scene. They're in the bath, he's rubbing her feet, it's a very gentle relaxed scene. Then Ana starts to beg to be allowed to go to work without adult supervision. Pleading, and has to sacrifice the ability to go outside for it.

I shower and dress quickly, wearing the clothes I set out yesterday: a fitted, gray pencil skirt; pale-gray silk shirt; and high-heeled black pumps

On rainy cold days I too like to dress in all gray. Really helps to tune into the misery around you.


She smiles and turns to make me tea.
Wow . . . this is so cool.

Wasn't Ana all uncomfortable about being waited on hand and foot before?

So Grey leaves and Ana chats with Mrs. Jones a little bit.

My cheeks pink with pleasure, and I want to bombard this woman with questions. She must know so much about Fifty, and although her manner is warm and friendly, it’s also very professional. I know I’ll only embarrass both of us if I start quizzing her, so I finish my breakfast in a reasonably comfortable silence

BUT GRILLING HIS FATHER AND SHRINK ARE FAIR GAME!


“Taylor, I’m sorry about yesterday and my inappropriate remarks. I hope I didn’t get you into trouble.”
Taylor frowns in bemusement at me from the rearview mirror as he pulls out into the Seattle traffic.
“Miss Steele, I’m rarely in trouble,” he says reassuringly.
Oh good. Maybe Christian didn’t tell him off. Just me, then, I think sourly.
“I’m glad to hear it, Taylor.” I smile

I appreciate this, actually. It shows Ana being compassionate and not awful, but Taylor's "I rarely get in trouble" doesn't sit well for me and I'm not sure why. So, off to work we go! Ana boots up her "e-mail program" and finds this gem.

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Boss
Date: June 13, 2011 08:24
To: Anastasia Steele
Good morning, Miss Steele
I just wanted to say thank you for a wonderful weekend in spite of all the drama.
I hope you never leave, ever.
And just to remind you that the news of SIP is embargoed for four weeks.
Delete this e-mail as soon as you’ve read it.
Yours
Christian Grey,
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. & Your boss’s boss’s boss.

So, this bothers me on a few levels. 1) why does she need to know this? 2) E-mail, even once deleted, on an internal server is likely still assessable. 3) He knows her e-mail is monitored and can send them to her phone.

Next up we get reminded that Ana has a super creepy boss!


“Good. As you probably remember, I’m going to that Commissioning Fiction Symposium in New York on Thursday. I have tickets and reservations, but I’d like you to come with me.”
“To New York?”
“Yes. We’ll need to go Wednesday and stay overnight. I think you’ll find it a very educational experience.” His eyes darken as he says this, but his smile is polite. “Would you make the necessary travel arrangements? And book an additional room at the hotel where I am staying? I think Sabrina, my previous PA, left all the details handy somewhere.”

Oh this is going to be hilarious and awful. I won't get into the angry e-mailing back and forth that ensues because there isn't a good way to do so without text-dumping on you, but here's the gist of it. Grey says no, Ana says fuck off this is my career. Grey says no more forcefully, and Ana tells him to fuck off again. So he changes how spending is approved within the company so Ana can't book a flight or hotel to go to the conference. A conference that could have been a very real opportunity to network for her. She also comments in his e-mail that "I hope you never ever leave" sounds like he's asking her to move in. His response is "Yes. Please."

...

I think my brain might be bleeding. Ana's first thought is that this is obscene, but we all know this will come back later, so I want to point it out. 5-weeks and he's bought the company she works for, started to isolate her from her friends, and is now going to start bullying her to move in with him. Elena also somehow magically got Ana's e-mail and once again is asking her to go out for lunch some time. Ana just forwards the e-mail to Grey.

Now onto lunch! Jack, being bogged down with a sudden increase in work because Ana isn't going to the convention with him (which makes very little sense to me since he had just asked her and it was in three days) and has to send her to go fetch his lunch. Being his personal assistant, this makes sense. So, off she goes. Breaking Grey's rule about never ever leaving the building alone. OH NO!

I sit and eat the chicken salad sandwich Mrs. Jones made for me. It’s delicious. She makes a mean sandwich.

Ana must be one of those people who loves all food, and it doesn't matter what you put in front of her. "A mean sandwich" is not chicken salad. AS A FOOD WIZARD THIS SENTENCE OFFENDS ME.

Of course, if I moved in with Christian, she would make lunch for me every weekday. The idea is unsettling. I have never had dreams of obscene wealth and all the trappings—only love. To find someone who loves me and doesn’t try to control my every move.

Says the girl who at the start of the first book had never been kissed or out on a date. Had she said "I always pictured myself leading a more modest life being married to my work..." because let's face it, editors are not well paid, I might understand, but this? This is downright unbelievable when we look at previous characterization. I'm also annoyed that that is all Ana ever wanted. No aspirations of family, or writing a book herself, or being an editor on the next great novel and being able to say "I had a hand in shaping that" or even a desire to travel and see the world. Nope! Just a boyfriend!

The phone rings, and Grey calls her out on leaving because he somehow knew she left the office for ten minutes to grab her boss lunch. Ana tells him to shove it. She has a backbone this chapter it seems.


“Suffocating?” he whispers, surprised.
“Yes. You have to stop this. I’ll talk to you this evening. Unfortunately, I have to work late because I can’t go to New York.”
“Anastasia, I don’t want to suffocate you,” he says quietly, appalled.
“Well, you are. I have work to do. I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up, feeling drained and vaguely depressed.

Ana then thinks about how he's so perfectly tragic and how she needs to show that she's his, but not going to sit at home waiting for him. Hnnnggghhh.

Ana finishes work late, where her boss hits on her and gets borderline touchy and I'm not going to copy-paste the scene because it struck close enough to home for me that I found it really uncomfortable to read. Ana tries to maneuver away from him and he keeps leaning in, brushing hair etc. It isn't until he starts asking about her boyfriend and she says his name that he backs off. Ana is pleased that Grey's name evokes such power, I'm depressed she had to use it to get this guy to back off. Grey will later tell Ana that Jack has a reputation, none of his personal assistants have lasted longer than 3 months and he slept with them all.

I want to say that this would be totally unreasonable. I want to say that HR would notice and Jack would be fired. However SIP is constantly referred to as a "small company" and in smaller environments the pressure on women to just shut up and deal with it can be much worse because things get personal. People talk, y'know?

Grey picks Ana up after work, and they finally get around to the elevator sex. Although Grey presses the "stop elevator" button, and... no one responds. If you hit the stop button, some service team will buzz in being all "Yo everything a'ight dawg?" but that doesn't happen. Grey also knows "the code to restart the elevator" and more and more I wonder what world this is set in. Then it's onto dinner and Ana and Grey, both wound down from fucking away their stress, have a SRS TALK.

I sigh, emboldened by my glass of wine. “You really have to let me fight my own battles. You can’t constantly second-guess me and try to protect me. It’s stifling, Christian. I’ll never flourish with your incessant interference. I need some freedom. I wouldn’t dream of meddling in your affairs.”
He blinks at me. “I only want you safe, Anastasia. If anything happened to you, I—” He stops.
“I know, and I understand why you feel so driven to protect me. And part of me loves it. I know that if I need you, you’ll be there, as I am for you. But if we are to have any hope of a future together, you have to trust me and trust my judgment. Yes, I’ll get it wrong sometimes—I’ll make mistakes, but I have to learn.”

Hi Ana's backbone! I missed you!

“And if you can do that—give me that—I’ll move in with you,” I add softly.
He inhales sharply, surprised. “You’d do that?” he whispers.
“Yes.”
“But you don’t know me.”

D-did Ana just use moving in with him as leverage for him to back off on her career? While setting no boundaries of what that would look like? How does "I will move in with you which will give me less freedom if you give me more freedom" make any sense?! YOU HAVE BEEN DATING 5-WEEKS! Also, Grey isn't commenting on the 5-weeks thing, but on that she doesn't know how dark and fucked up and awful he is. I think both are fair points to make. Ana also comments throughout this chapter that she'd like to run away to get some space and think (You know, like she did when she went to Georgia and he followed her there) but there's always another dose of Grey and his magic-peen to distract her. I'm shocked and frankly started at the utter lack of responsibility on Ana's part here. Also did EL James just... forget, that Ana was supposed to live with Kate and her brother? Will Kate and her brother ever be plot relevant again? Probably not!

And so ends our chapter- except for Taylor bursting in to say that Elena is on her way up. dun Dun DUN!!!! Tune in next week to see if I start drinking through these posts again!


*For those of you who are not table top nerds, to use skills you often have to roll a 20 sided die. Rolling a 20 is just auto-win, and a 1 is auto fail.
**Line stolen from editor number 2 (Aka Mad Scientist Alex).

Ender's Game, chapter 1, part 2, in which we immediately give up on all reasoned morality

(Content: violence.  Fun content: a familiar fruity friend.)

Ender's Game: p. 2--8

Welcome back, friends new and old, to the first proper Ender's Game post, in which we are introduced to our hero and immediately question his heroism!  And by 'question', I mean 'leaping panda of upper Uganda, what the fuck are we reading'.  I'll be coming back again and again throughout the book of whether and when Ender is supposed to be considered a hero and when he's not.  It's super flipfloppy, which is both interesting and terrifying for a whole parade of reasons yet to come.  Anyway!  Time for the first flip.

With the ground rules of the universe set, we meet Ender Wiggin, six years old and hauled out of class one afternoon to have his military-issued spinal chip removed.  The chips aren't discussed again in the books (that I've read) and never really explained here, but the implication is basically that Battle School candidates get wifi'd into a neural network where someone else can monitor them for screening purposes.  The monitor gets to see/hear/feel everything the kid does.  This quickly introduces us to the idea that the government/military gets to do pretty much whatever it wants for the sake of saving humanity and possibly the rest of Earth.

As noted before, this is a core bit of the story: the idea that anything can be justified in order to save the world. The first themes, as mentioned last time, are already basically about how special Ender is: he is a Bespoke General made of prototypical Masculinity and Femininity for a single purpose (save the world) and everything that he does or that is done to him to facilitate that goal is justified.  The next theme is this: Ender Wiggin is smarter than them. Them in this case is basically everyone.  He knows how adults lie and uses that so effectively that you might as well never lie at all.

"Andrew, I suppose by now you're just absolutely sick of having that horrid monitor. Well, I have good news for you.  That monitor is going to come out today. We're going to take it right out, and it won't hurt a bit." Ender nodded.  It was a lie, of course, that it wouldn't hurt a it.  But since adults always said it when it was going to hurt, he could count on that statement as an accurate prediction of the future.  Sometimes lies were more dependable than the truth.

(Spoiler: it hurts like wonderfuck and they have to give him muscle relaxant drugs that nearly kill him, which is a reminder that these people are doing terrible things to kids, but is not otherwise relevant to the plot.)

Ender gets picked on in class because he's so special, but he's also so smart and helpful that his enemies accidentally compliment him when they text him dancing insults on his tablet at school.

He was the one who had figured out how to send messages and make them march--even as his secret enemy called him names, the method of delivery praised him.

This will continue forever.  Ender will always be the smartest person in the room.  And that means that a most common burden he will sag under will be the knowledge that he knows the best way to do things but must keep quiet to avoid embarrassing or enraging the senior people who are in command.  (Honestly, Ender's Shadow is a relief just because Bean sometimes points out Ender not being perfect.)  People hate Ender for being so awesome, on a regular basis.  The remainder of chapter 1 will be about what happens to folk like that, because we meet a boy named Stilson, who taunts Ender for being a Third (a government-requisitioned third child, in a society where population controls normally limit families to two kids). Ender doesn't know yet that the military wants him; he thinks his monitor was pulled because he has flunked their psychological testing.

I said this chapter was actually pretty well-written, and I'll take a moment now to explain that.  Card uses a style of writing that I try to mimic in my fiction as well, in which the narrative treats the reader like everything is normal.  When it talks about Ender picking up his desk and walking away, it doesn't stop to explain that a 'desk' is basically a tablet computer that the school has issued to all the students, despite Ender's Game having been written decades ago when the tablet computer was thoroughly the stuff of speculative fiction.  The story doesn't stop to explain that the monitor chip in the back of Ender's neck was put there when he was three (or any age; it's not specified) so that the military could screen him for training potential for the Battle School; it just tells us that his monitor has been removed and everyone knows (the other kids gossip a bit) and this must mean he's 'washed out'.  We're not told these things, but we're given enough implied hints from the narrative and the other characters' remarks that we can piece it together.  This isn't easy to pull off--plenty of authors in both science fiction and fantasy try and just end up with an incomprehensible mess that loses any normal reader.  When it works (and here I think it does) it's deeply immersive (and in keeping with last week's theme, it's a great way of making the reader feel smart).  My point in this analysis isn't to deny that Card knows how to write.  Just that sometimes people use their powers for evil.

So, school lets out, Ender dawdles a bit because he doesn't want to go home (this is fair, as we'll see in chapter two) and when he's finally prodded out of the room by his teacher he finds bullies waiting.

His monitor wasn't perched on his neck, hearing what he heard and seeing what he saw. They could say what they liked. They might even hit him now--no one could see them anymore, and so no one would come to Ender's rescue.

Ender's never faced actual violence before this moment, and isn't sure if he might now.  The leader of the bullies is just called Stilson, and he taunts Ender with stuff that's realistic playground fare, including of course "bugger-lover" (THE SUBTEXT, IT BURNSSS USSSS), and then he gets surrounded and they start pushing him back and forth.  I'm sure a few of us have been in that position--I was, at that age, and as I recall, my brilliant escape plan involved ninja kicks, for which I later (I am not making this up) attempted to plead temporary insanity.  A six-year-old gets surrounded, there's a good chance they'll lash out.  I get that, and I don't think there's anything wrong with self-defence.  So: Ender tries to even the numbers by taunting Stilson into facing him alone, and they let him go:

And as soon as they did, Ender kicked out high and hard, catching Stilson square in the breastbone. He dropped. It took Ender by surprise--he hadn't thought to put Stilson on the ground with one kick. It didn't occur to him that Stilson didn't take a fight like this seriously, that he wasn't prepared for a truly desperate blow.

For a moment, the others backed away and Stilson lay motionless. They were all wondering if he was dead. Ender, however, was trying to figure out a way to forestall vengeance. To keep them from taking him in a pack tomorrow. I have to win this now, and for all time, or I'll fight it every day and it will get worse and worse.

Ender knew the unspoken rules of manly warfare, even though he was only six.

 The rules have to do with whether it's okay to hit a person when they're down (the rules say no) but first I am left struggling to know what to make of the above.  The bullies are just there to pump their egos up by literally pushing a little kid around.  Ender, for some reason, is instead fighting for his life right from the start, and I cannot fathom why.  He's been wearing a monitor for at least a couple of years.  No one would dare attack him lest they face a military-spurred response.  He's been bullied, definitely, but in a verbal and social way.  He's been certain of food and shelter to a comfortable American middle-class degree.  And yet somehow he has this animalistic defensive instinct.  This is, presumably, one of the inborn traits that makes him the Greatest General Of All Time, but it's terrifying and I don't know what should happen to our sympathy for him.

So Ender lays into Stilson, systematically kicking him in the ribs, crotch, and face, finally spattering blood from his nose.  He tells the other bullies that if they try to come after him again, he'll do worse to them, and then walks away.

What in all of the fuck.

No, wait, let me try that again.

That's better.

Ender's response to being threatened with schoolyard violence is to destroy a 7-year-old child and walk away.  This is our hero.  I can still be compassionate for him, but in the sense of 'he needs help'.  He needs professionals with a non-patronising manner and soothing background music.  Spoilers: that is not what he's going to get.  Mother Wiggin will have a similar reaction in a couple of chapters, but Ender is going away to learn how to be an even better destroyer.  In space.

But part of what scares me here is that I don't remember being horrified the first time I read this, and that makes me think that I didn't see anything grossly unreasonable about Ender's response, and that makes me think that this might be more realistic than I'd like to believe.  I don't think I could have really devoted myself to this degree of violence at age six, but I might have been philosophically on side.  What about y'all, readers?  Were you peaceable kids, or one rough day away from Lord of the Flies?  Later in the book, the military folks will explain that they need to train young commanders because only kids have the rapid learning and creativity that they need, but I think there's a solid alternative interpretation here that they want to capture that youthful spirit of cheerfully mangling a helpless opponent.

Well, not that cheerfully--as he waits for the bus, Ender tearfully recriminates himself by saying that, with his monitor gone from his neck and thus no one watching, he is "just like Peter", his brother.  I am not sure that's a legitimate comparison, Ender!  To the best of my knowledge, your brother has not ruined a life yet!  But this is all very tight third-person, with us seeing the world the way Ender does it, and we'll see how Ender sees Peter next time, as we get into chapter 2.

Also, quick poll: do y'all care about spoilers?  There's a point or two in this chapter where we don't get the whole story until much later in the book, and I wasn't sure if I should make reference to those, or if we should save the surprise for later.  I'm sort of keeping the spoilers out for now, but if you don't care, let me know for future reference.