tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2946534773407276339.post4479548374959232367..comments2023-11-05T04:09:53.857-05:00Comments on Something Short and Snappy: Bad things only happen to bad people, right?Erika The Over Queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03649072707709302370noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2946534773407276339.post-88387848296526344992013-08-21T09:18:40.011-04:002013-08-21T09:18:40.011-04:00I agree with you, although I would like to think t...I agree with you, although I would like to think that everything is part of a Master Plan (which also doesn't exclude personal choice/fault, but that's another thing). That is not to justify bad things happening and I have no idea what that Master Plan is, but if would just go around thinking 'The world is a bad and sick place where bad things happen to good people constantly with no rhyme or reason and bad people go on unpunished,' I would be constantly depressed and probably suicidal. And I am not trying to justify your horrible experience or anything like that, yet I would like to believe that the person who did this to you would get punished by the universe.<br /><br /><br />And as far as victim-blaming, pretty much everyone around me does this SO well. Not even in a hypothetical situation can I explain 'No, it's NEVER the victim's fault.'Thea Karannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2946534773407276339.post-55404795095739588682013-03-07T14:43:46.096-05:002013-03-07T14:43:46.096-05:00Agreed. Also, when we cut some people slack for b...Agreed. Also, when we cut some people slack for bad behavior-- in this case, older folks-- it both makes it look harmless/quaint, and makes it seem more acceptable. Oh, it's no big thing, it's just like when my mom calls me because she's got a virus in her internet. Oh, it's no big thing, because good people are doing it, and good people don't do bad things (Ta-Nehesi Coates has a great piece about this at NYT right now). When we excuse people who do hurtful things, we normalize that hurt and we don't make progress, even if we're hip young people whose brains haven't ossified yet. And that's not okay. I understand that people are seeking to explain why good people they trust do these things, I'm just not very interested in the why, because the people being hurt are more important.pope_suburbanhttp://liquidwaffles.tumblr.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2946534773407276339.post-25385685031043972432013-03-06T17:18:17.473-05:002013-03-06T17:18:17.473-05:00I think part of what contributes to the just-world...I think part of what contributes to the just-world fallacy is that human are generally pretty rubbish at figuring out which consequences can be traced to a person's own actions, and which consequences are the result of someone else. Sign for a $5000/month mortgage when you only make $2500 a month? That one is probably on you. (Not always, though.) Signed for a modest mortgage, then had it jacked up by your bank to unreasonable costs because they didn't want to lose money on their gambling? Not your fault. <br /><br />Same with these things. People have a right to bodily autonomy. If someone violates that right, it's on them, not on the victim. Problem is, a lot of us are stuck in a values system that insists that certain classes of people are responsible not just for themselves, but for everyone else around them. Which well and truly sucks, and provides an easy out for victim-blaming instead of fixing the problem.<br /><br />We're sorry that you don't have someone in your family that you can tell the encounter to.Silver Adepthttp://silveradept.dreamwidth.org/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2946534773407276339.post-36926827020997255062013-03-06T16:37:03.653-05:002013-03-06T16:37:03.653-05:00I think they're still related. I have yet to m...I think they're still related. I have yet to meet someone so dedicated to "Things happen for a reason" that they'd bust it out on a rape, but I could write a whole other post about people's obsessive/instinctive reaction/need to try to make a situation seem less awful, no matter what. People are not good at just saying "I'm sorry that sucks" and I think that's what the "things happen for a reason" stems from, people feeling the need to try to find the good in an awful situation. It still leads to invalidating some very real and traumatic emotions and fears, however, which is all sorts of not-good.CleverNamePendinghttp://www.somethingshortandsnappy.blogspot.ca/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2946534773407276339.post-89440425515086923382013-03-06T12:05:29.312-05:002013-03-06T12:05:29.312-05:00Walking alone at night wasn't necessarily &quo...<em>Walking alone at night wasn't necessarily "asking for it," but it was expected that something bad might happen to you.</em><br /><br /><br />That's <em>still</em> how it's treated today, and it's still technically accurate in the sense that sometimes bad things do happen to people in those situations, but it still doesn't make it the victim's fault, which is the point here. Everyone's still being told that if they get assaulted, especially if it's in a Designated Scary Zone like 'outside at night' or 'the back of a bus', it's only because they let themselves get into that place. Saying it comes down to a generational difference is basically writing off everyone over age X as being incapable of learning new things, isn't it? And it's not like these concepts (calling it the just-world 'fallacy', or identifying victims as not being responsible for their victimiser's actions, were invented in the 90s.Will Wildmanhttp://narrowcrookedlanes.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2946534773407276339.post-53189190007365417792013-03-06T01:23:54.844-05:002013-03-06T01:23:54.844-05:00well, in your mother's defense, she's from...well, in your mother's defense, she's from a different generation. That's just how things were back then for women. Walking alone at night wasn't necessarily "asking for it," but it was expected that something bad might happen to you. I was raised with that mentality-- my parents never let me out past 8pm, I had the same curfew until I ran away from home. I asked to take self-defense/martial arts lessons even as a young child and I was told no. I wasn't given pepper spray when I went off to college like my younger half-sister was. I was basically raised to believe that as a woman I was programmed to be a victim if I overstepped my social boundaries. Thanks to experiencing city life (Seattle and Spokane clubbing, especially), I developed a sense of confidence that our mother's never really got a chance to develop. <br />Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why you wouldn't tell your family about this (I have never told my family about anything that happened to me), but it's especially hard when you already know how they'd react.Mauri Helmshttp://www.facebook.com/mauri.helmsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2946534773407276339.post-72392725673408403772013-03-05T11:18:31.962-05:002013-03-05T11:18:31.962-05:00I'm trying to decide if "everything happe...I'm trying to decide if "everything happens for a reason" people are better or worse. In theory, they'd be less inclined to try to blame anybody, but more often or not they're the type who expect you to be happy about anything and everything, and that's still really annoying and stupid, not to mention a huge heap of wishful thinking. Lost your job? "This is just an opportunity for you! Why would you get depressed?" "Rape baby? Oh, you have to keep it! S/he'll change your life for the better, never mind the huge stresses and responsibilities of parenthood you didn't want!" You aren't even allowed to get pissed at little things. "Got splashed by muddy water flung from a car's wheels? Maybe you'll meet your true love in some rom-commish series of improbable events!"<br />So (theoretically) less blaming, but invalidation of any negative emotion and, possibly, an attempt to restrict your choices. Maybe it's not better or worse, just a different variety of bullshit.bad_cooknoreply@blogger.com